Dr. Laura: Following in Dubious Footsteps

In television’s infancy, those who ran the business were guided by the belief that TV was simply radio with pictures, as CBS and NBC shifted popular radio stars like Jack Benny and Arthur Godfrey to the new medium. Fifty years later, not much appears to have changed.

The latest radio personality making the leap to TV will be Laura Schlessinger, currently finalizing a deal for her own syndicated daytime television show--a venue in which she will doubtless have even less time to dispense opinions to people with only the barest understanding of their particular cases.

Still, Dr. Laura will find herself alongside some peculiar bedfellows when it comes to this odyssey, among them Howard Stern, Rush Limbaugh, Larry King, Don Imus, Stephanie Miller, Oliver North, Rick Dees and the late Dr. David Viscott; in fact, a variation on the axiom about everyone enjoying 15 minutes of fame is that everyone on radio will eventually have their own TV show.

What’s fascinating is how television remains so utterly undaunted by past failures--so many also-rans who came from radio, King notwithstanding, as to lead to an inescapable conclusion: Most radio personalities are, by and large, far better suited to radio than TV.

Even so, executives have continued to charge blithely forward, lured by the built-in audiences and vast name recognition radio stars bring to the party, ignoring recent history suggesting they have given rise to some pretty awful television.

This mentality stems in part from changes assailing television making the medium more like radio. Networks like CNN, ESPN, Lifetime, Nickelodeon, E! Entertainment Television and the Weather Channel all cater to a certain taste, niche or momentary need, in the same way you might listen to Top 40 music most of the time, switching to the all-news or sports station to catch a score or traffic update.

The proliferation of such channels has splintered the TV audience dramatically, creating an enormous hunger for fare that is easily promotable and relatively inexpensive. Radio talent certainly fits the bill, offering recognizable commodities (everyone knows what to expect from Stern or Limbaugh) at reasonable prices--folks who entertain millions of listeners for hours on end with nothing more than their voices and a little transitional music.

Sounds great in theory, but let’s begin with the obvious. You frequently hear someone say a certain performer “has a good voice for radio.” Left unsaid is the observation that most of these radio migrants have a good face for radio. Really, does anybody need to see Imus doing his radio show, a version of which plays on MSNBC?

Granted, these radio hosts can’t control how they look, but most also fail to recognize that television is a visual medium in the form of their shows. No one has taken the “radio with pictures” idea more literally than Stern, whose weekly late-night entry for the CBS stations and nightly E! series both essentially plop a camera in the studio as Stern tapes his wildly popular morning radio show.

Since everyone has his or her own opinion of Stern, a small disclaimer here: Count me among his radio listeners, albeit one increasingly unable to abide his not-so-subtle pandering to the worst elements of his audience, most often by race-baiting and ridiculing African Americans; still, even his more palatable celebrity interviews--pleading with women to disrobe and teasing his odd cast of characters--suffer on TV, precisely because it’s much funnier visualizing his antics without actually seeing them.

Stern’s CBS show, as a result, has done so-so ratings-wise but has been a debacle creatively, so bad the host--having delighted in skewering dreadful late-night programs featuring Chevy Chase and Magic Johnson--almost owes them an apology. That said, the alternative doesn’t usually work terribly well either, as witnessed by more conventional late-night TV vehicles crafted around KIIS-FM’s Rick Dees (an ABC series called “Into the Night”) and KABC-AM’s Stephanie Miller, whose syndicated talk/comedy show was canceled after 13 weeks in 1995.

Unfortunately, what Miller does on radio (silly sound effects, “blowing up” callers and lots of jokes about Linda Tripp’s girth) wouldn’t necessarily translate well to television. Miller nonetheless found a TV platform for her talents on CNBC’s “Equal Time” by virtue of her willingness to ardently defend President Clinton through the whole impeachment mess.

Indeed, CNBC and other cable news outlets have created a voracious appetite for folks who will sit around shouting at one another--the only form of programming cheaper than home video of a guy getting hit in the groin by his golden retriever. In this environment, any “talking head” who can passionately express a view on anything (seemingly the less informed the better) is in hot demand, making a show like Fox’s “Hannity & Colmes”--featuring two New York radio hosts--an effective way to fill space.

Gaining a national stage is obviously attractive for talent like Sean Hannity and Alan Colmes. Jumping to TV poses a larger risk, however, for the likes of Stern, Limbaugh and Schlessinger--kings (and queen) of their own media, who earn millions from their radio and publishing ventures and will be under the microscope if they land on television and stink up the place.

So why do it? The answer to this can only be attributed to the unique place television occupies in our society. Even without enlightening or informing as often as it should, television denotes fame and importance like nothing else can. Just ask the print reporters who flock to TV talk shows, having no doubt discovered nothing they can write validates them in the eyes of family and friends as much as a fleeting appearance on “The O’Reilly Factor” or “Hardball.”

Barring major mishaps, Dr. Laura will make her own TV pilgrimage next year, bringing to a new realm her groaning, growling, outrage and disciples, who cheerfully chant her “I am my kid’s mom” mantra no matter how much she insults and abuses them. Turning the tables, here’s some advice for her: The longer she waits, as broadcast ratings and expectations continue to slide, the easier it will be to qualify as a hit.

Not exactly an inspiring thought, but about the best one can offer based on the track record of other radio folk. So, Dr. Laura, go take on the day . . . just don’t quit your day job.