The Overture to ‘The Jetsons’ and Other Great Cartoon Compositions

Roll Over Beethoven: One of the best-kept secrets in music history is that many classical composers despised orchestral tunes, but were constrained by society and financial pressures from pursuing other lines of work.

For example, Johann Sebastian Bach, who frequently referred to himself as Snoop Bachy Bach or Notorious B.A.C.H., regularly composed primitive forms of rap music.

Franz Schubert was a frustrated comedy writer who once drafted a play called “There’s Something About Ave Maria.”

And Johann Strauss, whose famous opera “Die Fledermaus” was originally titled “Die Flintstones,” longed to write cartoon theme songs, except cartoons hadn’t been invented yet.

In recognition of Strauss’ unsung contributions, the San Bernardino Symphony Orchestra has announced plans to hold the world’s first classical concert dedicated to Hanna-Barbera cartoon themes. Seriously.

The Oct. 2 event will feature full orchestra renditions of the theme songs from “The Jetsons,” “The Flintstones,” “Magilla Gorilla,” “Josie and the Pussycats,” “The Smurfs” and other shows.

For ticket information, call (909) 383-9595.

Space Odyssey Bureau: NASA has been pulling out all the stops lately in a bid to revive public interest in the space program.

In July, for instance, Eileen Collins became the first woman commander of a space shuttle flight.

The next historic breakthrough will be the first space shuttle ever piloted by a poodle--who will also become the first animal to walk in space (complete with a robotic pooper scooper).

Last but not least, on New Year’s Eve, NASA plans to blow up the moon with special multicolored nuclear warheads that will create “the most spectacular fireworks show in human history.”

Yet the public remains blase.

Fortunately, we have a solution. In the late 18th century, a French mathematician discovered five zones between the Earth and moon where the gravitational fields of both--as well as the sun--cancel each other out.

In other words, if an object were placed in one of the zones, it would never move.

So if NASA wants to get people excited about the space program again, it should start launching annoying celebrities into those zones.

We suggest starting with Kenny G, RuPaul and those people who stick leaflets on your car windshield while you’re parked at the grocery store or mall.

Assuming those missions go well, Washington, D.C., could also be relocated.

Random Statistics Bureau: If you must have a heart attack, try to do it on TV. According to a study by Glamour magazine, patients on TV shows recover from cardiac arrest 67% of the time compared with 15% in real life.

Lunatic Fringe Bureau: Female space aliens look like Fran Drescher in lime-green stretch pants, according to a 68-year-old UFO abductee who paints portraits of the extraterrestrials he has encountered.

Best Supermarket Tabloid Headline: “Most Mermaids Are Brunettes, Not Blondes, Say Experts!” (Weekly World News)

We always knew there was something not quite right about that “Splash” movie.

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Unpaid Informants: “Frommer’s the Moon” (Macmillan), Wireless Flash News Service. Off-Kilter’s e-mail address is roy.rivenburg@latimes.com. Off-Kilter runs Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.