Some Things in Life Are Simple: Kids Are Cool, Parents Are Not

Dear Vicki: Do all kids eventually get to an age where they criticize their parents? Mine think I dance like a geek, that I don’t understand their language and that their father is even more clueless. What gives?

--OZZIE AND HARRIET

Dear Harriet: I can’t speak for the universe, but let me assure you that my kids think my husband and I are embarrassment grenades with the pins pulled.

That may be slightly true about me, since I laugh too loud, sing off-key and even stand still out of rhythm, but my husband’s entertainment job has him hanging out with people who all seem to be hip and 26 years old.

Nonetheless, our kids think we are equal doofuses (for which I’m secretly grateful).

I’ve learned that there’s almost nothing that can rescue a parent from Hipness Siberia; once banished, we must make our lives in the hinterlands. My two older kids are put at great ease with my promise never to enter the limbo contest or sing karaoke in front of their friends.

Think back--did you really think your own parents were the Sonny and Cher of your generation? I’ll bet even their kids were humiliated by their parents’ piercings, tattoos or silly songs.

Turns out, our job as parents is to become perpetually unobtrusive. Sure, when important issues regarding ethics, morals or family rules arise, we are expected to meet them head on, but our job in popular culture is to be the anvil upon which our kids forge ideas and expressions.

We had our turn 20 or so years ago, and we can’t be piggish about claiming the cool turf. We need to try to maintain our mutual parental dignity. I know you’re cool and you know it; that’s got to be enough.

Vicki Iovine is the author of “Girlfriends’ Guide,” a columnist for Child magazine and mother of four. Write Girlfriends, SoCal Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053; e-mail GrlfrndsVI@aol.com.