LAUGH LINES
Spaced Out: “According to a disturbing new report, math scores are down 20%, reading scores are down 30%, science scores are down a whopping 50%, and that’s just at NASA headquarters.” (Jay Leno)
Spaced Out II: “We kid NASA, but it hasn’t been a good track record in the past few months. In September, we lost the Mars Observer. Then we lost the Mars Polar Lander. Then we lost the two probes. In fact, today Mars concluded that there is no intelligent life on Earth.” (Leno)
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The Essential David Letterman
Top Ways to Make
a Supermodel Angry
10. Refer to her as “The future ex-Mrs. Jagger.”
8. Confuse her by using big words like “big” and “word.”
6. Point to her breasts and ask, “Are those new?”
5. Give David Copperfield her phone number.
4. Laugh uncontrollably as she tries to spell “Vogue.”
3. Set her up on a date with Leo--fail to mention it’s Leo, your 40-year-old pizza boy cousin.
2. Point to a picture of Angela Lansbury; say, “That’s you in two years.”
1. Greet her with, “What’s up, tubby?”
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Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.
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