Virtual Pear Tree, Real Partridges

Scrappy’s Longaberger gift basket arrived by mail. So did SaltNPep’s box of chocolates. They do not know each other in the real world, but they are among 23 women who have developed friendships online and are exchanging real gifts this holiday season.

For Scrappy, whose real name is Julie Kelley, exchanging gifts is a natural progression for such a relationship.

“It’s getting to prove that you are the kind person that you’ve made yourself appear to be on the Internet,” says Kelley, a photo preservation instructor who works from her Dallas home.

Cyber friends routinely express real-life affection with virtual tokens of fondness, primarily e-greeting cards. Now with more people shopping online for gifts for their family and friends, they are also buying gifts for people who are virtually strangers--acquaintances they have met in cyber chat rooms but do not know in the flesh.

It is difficult to quantify how many online acquaintances are exchanging gifts in the real world. Internet research firms are not tracking such data yet. But 45% of Web users regularly chat online, according to Jupiter Communications, a firm that monitors Internet usage; 55% send online greeting cards.

“More and more people are online than ever before, which means more people are gift giving online than ever before,” said Nicholas Graham, spokesman for America Online, which has 19 million subscribers. “But as far as tracking the amount of gift giving that goes on privately between two subscribers on our service, there’s just no way to know.”

Online friendships may defy conventional social parameters, but that doesn’t mean they are any less valid or meaningful. As with conventional acquaintances and developing friendships, people may not always be what they appear to be. That can be the case online too, but plenty of friendships are emerging in this developing Internet social sphere.

“People who haven’t experienced the whole online relationship thing, they don’t always recognize how real these relationships are, the depth and level of friendship, the deep bonds that are formed,” said Rob Hansen, chief executive of BlindGift.com (https://www.blindgift.com), an online gift service.

“Online relationships, both romantic and non-romantic, are following the same patterns that offline, real-world relationships are following,” Hansen said.

Kelley, known as Scrappy in the Speak Your Mind chat room on the iVillage (https://www.ivillage.com) Web site, decided to start the gift exchange after becoming acquainted with the other 22 women who regularly sign on.

IVillage, the No. 1 Web site visited by women, does not facilitate gift giving on its site. Yet the exchange of presents among chat room friends “goes on all the time, not just at Christmas,” said Lisa Reeder, who runs the Speak Your Mind’s message board.

Reeder (whose posting name is Momiac) said she has sent numerous gifts to women she’s befriended over the Internet. Although many Web sites promote safety through anonymity and counsel users to refrain from providing real names and home addresses, Reeder said she and her cyber friends readily shared that information among themselves.

“We’re all adults, and if we want to give that information out, I don’t think any site could stop it,” she said. “A lot of the women feel safer because iVillage is mostly women.”

Reeder’s attitude is typical of women who have formed friendships online, albeit pseudonymously.

“Intimacy develops fairly quickly on the Internet because of the way you interact,” said Kimberly Pierce, executive director of the Center for Online Addiction in Pittsburgh. “You’re typing instead of talking. Sometimes it makes your communication freer. While it might take months or years to develop an intimate relationship with someone traditionally, it could take only days online.”

Hansen of BlindGift says it’s common for chat room users to celebrate their one-week anniversaries of knowing one another. His firm allows Internet users to mail gifts to one another’s homes without revealing home addresses or true names.

One BlindGift customer arranged the delivery of a dozen long-stemmed, chocolate-covered strawberry roses for an online friend.

“I wanted to send you a little something for Christmas but didn’t want you to think I was stalking you if I asked for your address :),” she wrote.

But just because a person chooses to send a gift does not guarantee it will be accepted.

“I would say more often than not, people will reject the gifts--especially women,” said Christopher Daly, president and CEO of MatchMaker.com (https://www.matchmaker.com), an online dating service in partnership with BlindGift. “How many times have you been to a bar where people have offered you a drink and you’ve said no?”

Those using BlindGift can order a gift for someone using the intended recipient’s e-mail address. BlindGift then e-mails that individual and notifies them of the gift, which can be accepted or declined. If the recipient accepts the present, the gift giver will be notified. If it is declined, the recipient has the option of enclosing a note.

Kelley, the gift exchange coordinator, established a Web site for gift recipients to express their gratitude.

“It made it more personal rather than just somebody you write to on the board every day,” she said. “We all felt like we were getting to know each other pretty well, and it just brought us closer together.”

Susan Carpenter can be reached by e-mail at susan.carpenter@latimes.com.