LAUGH LINES
Tipsy-Turvy: “A new study shows that teenage girls who drink are much more sexually active. This is not a new study. They did this in my day. It was called ‘the Prom.’ ” (Jay Leno)
Weighty Issue: “As you probably heard last week, Al Gore released his medical records and he’s in tip-top shape and he weighs 195 pounds. Which is historic because this marks the first time a vice president has weighed less than a Clinton girlfriend.” (Leno)
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The Essential David Letterman
Top Things You Don’t Want
to Hear the Morning After
Your Office Christmas Party
10. “Man, you are one hairy son-of-a-bitch.”
9. “I’ve never seen anyone drink so much Xerox toner.”
8. “You’ve got messages from your wife, her lawyer, the ASPCA, and both Siegfried and Roy.”
7. “Hey, dude, thanks for the kidney.”
5. “Hey, dude, thanks for your other kidney.”
4. “You should sue the hell out of whomever posted those photos on the Web.”
2. “What time this morning did the paramedics dislodge the stapler?”
1. “Security! He’s back!”
Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.