Make a Pledge to Stay Toned (and Romantic) After the Vows

I recently attended a celebration of some friends’ 20th wedding anniversary. When the husband, an avid softball player, noted during dinner that the last time his wife attended one of his games was the week before they got married, everyone laughed. But his comment detoured the conversation into a discussion of what can happen to couples following marriage.

A lot, we all agreed, especially in the looks department.

For years, comedians have joked about how their wives let themselves go after saying “I do.” And while common sense and observation suggest that both sexes fall prey to this phenomenon, at least one study conducted at Cornell University shows that women gain more weight during the first two years of marriage than men.

For one thing, they’re probably doing more cooking than they did before marriage, trying to be good little Martha Stewarts. For another, they’re likely to be spending more time in bed--sandwiching their amorous sessions with bottles of wine and boxes of pizza (sensual experiences bring out our hedonism). Then, too, they may be less inclined to get out to the gym than they were before marriage because, let’s face it, they’ve already landed their fish, so there’s no need to use the best bait.

Whatever the reason, women need to know that body weight sometimes correlates to the health of marital relations. Just because the courting dance has finished doesn’t mean that women can hide their best face. After all, the woman your husband fell in love with is the woman you want him to be married to. Same for men.

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Fortunately, it can be easy, fun and romantic to keep both of you in good enough shape to wear your wedding outfits at every anniversary. Here are a few ideas to help you do just that:

--Nothing, I think, is sexier than making love outdoors in a secluded location. So why not plan a brisk hike or jog or bike ride to some place you’ve always wanted to roll in the hay? (Personally, I love the Santa Monica Mountains.) Afterward, instead of ordering a pizza, you burn off additional calories getting home. Repeat as often as possible.

--Living in Southern California, we have the opportunity to regularly perform a ritual depicted in every romantic movie: a walk on the beach at sunset. My only alteration from the cinematic versions is the pace: Step briskly, as opposed to strolling.

--Living in Southern California, we also have the opportunity to do something that’s depicted in every movie made about living in Southern California: in-line skating. That’s right, get out there on blades or skates. Whether you’re on the Venice Boardwalk, your own street, a school playground, or a park, you won’t find a more fun and fat-reducing activity. Doing it together doubles your pleasure.

--How about joining the same gym? It’s wonderful to meet there after work and work out together, watching each other get sweaty. By the time you meet again after showering, you’ll barely be able to get home in time. It’s a real turn-on. Call it Tantric exercise. (By the way, studies prove that working out increases blood flow to the vagina, thus increasing sexual enjoyment. Both of yours!)

--You can also use each other as an aid to stretching. For example, both of you sit on the floor, face to face, your legs apart, taking turns gently pushing the other’s legs a little wider by putting pressure on the ankles. Not only is the touching erotic, but stretching in and of itself leads to improved romance through increased flexibility.

--Instead of catching up on the events of the day inside, probably on the couch, go for plain, simple, unadorned walks around the neighborhood after work. Steve and I found this incredibly helpful, particularly when the discussion was getting a little heated. Walking burns up some of that energy that is created by anger and helps to keep the issues in focus.

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On the food front, it’s important to discuss early in your marriage what each of your weak spots are. Mine, for example, is chocolate. Knowing that and wanting to support me in my dietary goals, Steve won’t stock up on that wickedly delicious treat, because if it’s in the house, I’ll eat it.

This approach is, of course, the opposite one that most of us have been raised to perpetuate. We’re taught to show our love through food, through supplying food, through supplying our loved one’s favorite food, regardless of the fact that it may not be in either of your best long-term interests. Don’t wait to talk about food until one or both of you needs to go on a “diet.” And don’t wait to buy a good cookbook, one with low-fat recipes that taste delicious and support your health. Even if the extra fat around your or his middle doesn’t seem to inhibit your passion for each other, then consider how that fat may be inhibiting blood flow to your heart and organs.

You love your new spouse, and you want to spend the next 50 years with him. Only two things can get in the way of that goal. The first is a deteriorating relationship; the second is poor health. So if you can improve your relationship by improving your health, you owe it to both of you to do so.

Copyright 1999 by Kathy Smith

Kathy Smith’s fitness column appears every Monday in Health. Reader questions are welcome and can be sent to Kathy Smith, Health, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053. If your question is selected, you will receive a free copy of her book “Getting Better All the Time.” Please include your name, address and a daytime phone number with your question.