Faux Tears of Joy

Despite their charismatic powers, tears can make a terrible mess.

They melt your mascara, streak your foundation and, if excreted in conjunction with racking sobs and plaintive wails, can make you a thoroughly inelegant object of pity.

Despair not. Now, thanks to the Paris-based Lanco^me cosmetics company, you can have all the tears you want--with none of the sorrow.

Starting Monday, “Fausses Larmes”--which is French for fake teardrops--will go on sale at Lanco^me counters throughout the U.S.

The tiny crystal drops can be affixed temporarily to the cheek with the special Lanco^me glue that accompanies every five-tear kit.

Face jewelry is nothing new--Madonna has been modeling it for months. Nor is the idea of a faux tear--gangbangers have been tattooing their lower eyelids with them for years.

But Lanco^me’s version (marketed with the spring ’99 collection as accessories) promises “transparent innocence.”

The shimmering appliques are priced at $18.50 a kit. Now that’s something to cry about.