Coaching a Tormented Genius
Do you need career counseling? Frankly, do you need someone with a little more savvy than you’ve got to help with the big picture?
If so, the International Coach Federation will soon have phone lines available for business owners or employees “to experience a personalized coaching session.”
I’d never heard of the federation before, but Leah Grant, one of the coaches, says the Orange County chapter has between 30 and 50 coaches and wants to help.
I asked what would prompt people to call. Grant likened it to those who seek advice from self-improvement gurus like Anthony Robbins.
That sounds to me like “Buyer Beware,” but I decided to try Grant out with a fictitious workplace scenario.
“Let’s say you have a tormented genius whose bosses don’t understand him,” I suggested. “What would you advise?”
The term, “tormented genius,” suggests the person “is not getting needs met or being appreciated,” she said. I nodded, silently marveling at her insight.
“When we don’t get our needs met, we’re reacting,” Grant said. “That’s where torment and frustration are coming from. The first thing to recognize is that we have control over ourselves, not others. We make choices as to whether we allow people to put agendas on us or not.”
She suggested my fictitious example might need “a major shift in thinking.”
Such as, I asked.
The person needs to find a way to get his or her needs met because “what’s happening is actually self-sabotage and self-destruction. [He’s] spending all his energy . . . doubting himself because he’s not feeling appreciated for what he’s putting out.”
“I know it’s statistically unlikely,” I said, “but is it possible that the boss is always wrong?”
“Why is it important that someone be right or wrong?” Grant replied. “There’s no judgment in coaching,” she said, adding that her usual coaching tack is to let the employee complain for two minutes before stopping him. “Complaining keeps you in a cycle that doesn’t solve the problem,” she said.
Of my fictitious character, Grant asked, “Does he typically have trouble with authority?”
No, he doesn’t, I said. He’s very well-adjusted.
“Do you think it’s possibly a communication issue between him and his boss?” she said.
Let’s say it’s not, I said.
In such a scenario, Grant said, “listening” is crucial to both sides. “Does the employee react to what the boss says? Does he always give the boss positive feedback and give the boss a chance to say what he or she wants before saying it won’t work?”
Let’s say he excels at that, I said.
Without knowing the specifics, Grant said she could only give general advice. She suggested both people focus on getting to know the other and emphasizing each other’s strengths instead of perceived weaknesses.
Are workers grumpier these days, I asked.
“The stereotypes of the past about bosses and employees are breaking down,” Grant said. “There’s more cohesion in the workplace and more desire to get along and be a team than in the past. But people don’t have the skills for that all the time. That’s where a coach can come in and give the . . . skills to make work fun, enjoyable and fulfilling.”
I had a final question about my fictitious employee. “Is it possible the tormented genius is delusional?”
“If he thinks there’s a chance he may be delusional, he probably isn’t,” Grant said.
What about a situation, I asked, where an employee thought he was a genius but everyone else thought he was delusional.
“Then that might be a therapy issue for him,” Grant said.
Hmmm. For the first time, I found myself wondering if Grant knew what she was talking about.
Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. Readers may reach Parsons by calling (714) 966-7821 or by writing to him at the Times Orange County Edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or by e-mail to dana.parsons@latimes.com