Lessons Children Learn on Internet Safety Can Be Lessons for Living

There is a commonly held belief that pornography on the Internet represents a serious danger to children online--in fact, the serious danger. Although there is reason to be concerned about exposing kids to sexually explicit material, it’s important to look beyond pornography when thinking about keeping kids safe on the Net.

I worry more about the possibility, however remote, that a child could be physically harmed by someone he or she encounters online and later meets in person. I also worry about online encounters with other kids or adults that could affect a child’s self-esteem or threaten a child’s privacy.

Another danger to kids is false information from advertisers, informational Web sites, newsgroups and chat areas. Kids need to understand that not everything they see on the Internet is true. Just as with print, TV and other media, it’s important to consider the source and think for themselves.

And kids aren’t just potential victims of crime. They can also do things online that can hurt others and get them into trouble. I’ll be exploring these and other issues in subsequent columns.

The most dangerous places on the Internet are chat rooms, newsgroups and e-mail programs where kids can disclose information about themselves. Make sure that your kids understand some basic rules for online safety, such as never giving out their name, phone number or address, and never agreeing to get together with someone they “meet” online without first checking with their parents. If parents agree to such a meeting, it should be in a public place and in the parents’ presence.

It’s generally a bad idea to let kids access the Internet from their bedroom. All the connected computers in our house are in a family room. My wife and I don’t look over our kids’ shoulders whenever they’re on the Net, but we do wander in and out of the room periodically.

Teenagers are actually more vulnerable to sexual assault and other crimes than younger kids and they’re far more likely to get together with someone they meet online. They’re also a lot harder to control. Parents should talk with their teens about online safety and encourage them to come to you if they encounter a problem. If a teen does talk with you about a problem, don’t respond by taking away Internet privileges. Congratulate your teen for bringing it to your attention, and work together on ways to prevent problems in the future.

Remember, it’s not what they read or view that can get them into serious trouble. It’s what they write or post.

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Be especially careful if your child or teen operates a Web site. A lot of kids are using GeoCities, AOL Hometown and other free Web site hosting services to create their own sites. It can be a great way to share interests and hobbies, but parents should monitor these sites to make sure they are appropriate and do not include photos or personal information about your kids or anyone else. You might want to ask your kids if they have created such a site.

If you are still in doubt, try searching for your child’s name on AltaVista or other search engines that scour the entire Internet. Enter the full name in quotes to avoid false hits. It’s not foolproof, but if your child (or anyone else) is posting his or her name on the Net, it might come up.

You can use Deja.com to look for your child’s name in newsgroups. I searched for my son’s name and not only found him listed on a friend’s Web site but was also surprised to discover that he had been quoted in a local newspaper. Consider doing similar searches with your address, phone number and other personal information.

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If you’re concerned about keeping kids away from inappropriate Web sites, you can spend about $30 for blocking software that helps control what a child can do on the Internet.

Programs such as CyberPatrol, SurfWatch and NetNanny let parents specify the type of material that is or is not appropriate. You can choose whether or not to block sexually explicit material, material that is violent or hateful and sites that advocate the use of drugs, alcohol, tobacco, weapons or anything else the parent considers harmful.

None of these products is perfect. Each is capable of letting in material that should be filtered and blocking material you may not want blocked. But the ones I tested work properly most of the time. Some of these programs can be configured to prevent your kids from typing certain words or phrases that you specify onto a Web site form, including their home address and phone number.

Rather than block access, you can monitor it using a program such as CyberSnoop from Pearl Software (https://www.pearlsw.com), which creates a log of where your kids have been or what they may have typed in e-mail, chats, Web sites and newsgroups. Armed with this information, you can have a chat with your kids about where they have been.

Even without special software, you may be able to find where your kids have been on the Net by checking the history (or cache) in your browser. Both Microsoft’s Internet Explorer and Netscape Navigator keep a history of sites visited. Clever kids who want to hide where they’ve been can purge that information, but many kids either don’t know about that option or don’t bother using it. For Internet Explorer 5.0, click on History on the tool bar. On the current version of Netscape, you can pull down the Communicator menu, select Tools and then select History.

Whether it’s appropriate to monitor or block your kids’ access is a parental decision, but it’s never a substitute for parenting. Filtering programs may help solve a short-term problem, but talking with your kids and educating yourself about the benefits and risks of the Internet will have a far greater long-term benefit.

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Rather than approach Internet safety as purely a problem, think of it as an opportunity. The lessons you and your children learn when grappling with dangers on the Net can apply to many other aspects of life. Knowing how to act defensively, avoiding dangerous places and thinking critically can serve your children well on dates, in the marketplace and in the voting booth as well as on the Internet.

For more details, please feel free to visit two Web sites I operate: https://www.safekids.com and https://www.safeteens.com. Both provide information and tips for keeping kids and teens safe online and links to more resources. I’ve also written a couple of booklets (“Child Safety on the Information Highway” and “Teen Safety on the Information Highway”) that you can order for free from the National Center for Missing Children at (800) 843-5678.

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Lawrence J. Magid can be heard at 1:48 p.m. weekdays on KNX-AM (1070). He can reached at larry.magid@latimes.com. His Web page is at https://www.larrysworld.com. On AOL, use keyword “LarryMagid.”