Handwritten Thank-Yous Are Still Best

A weekly column about humans as they interact with things that beep, buzz, ring and download.

Dear Button Pusher: Is it proper to e-mail thank-you notes rather than write personal messages in thanks for gifts received? I’m referring specifically to bar mitzvah and bat mitzvah gifts. It’s taking our grandchildren forever to handwrite these notes. They could do 10-to-1 on e-mail.

--BUBBO

Dear Bubbo: The bar mitzvah and bat mitzvah mark the beginning of adulthood. And I can’t think of a better initiation to their new status than to suffer through the miserable time-honored and time-consuming task of writing thank-you notes to gift-givers. Your teenage grandkids will immediately learn one of life’s most important lessons: It’s more fun to be a kid.

But just because writing thank-yous is a pain doesn’t mean it isn’t the right thing to do, for it certainly is. Gift-givers presumably took some time--and, for sure, money--to bring a present to your grandkids. The thoughtful gesture deserves the recognition and gratitude that an e-mail cannot possibly convey. On the scale of showing thanks, an e-mail would rank below a phone call.

However, there is an instance in which an e-mail would be appropriate. It could be dispatched to any person who attended the happy event and failed to present a gift.

*

In addition to burning questions of electronic etiquette, Button Pusher also gets its fair share of comments, observations and personal attacks via e-mail. So, permit me to clear out my overloaded files:

* A column in which I urged people to just say no to videotaping childbirth prompted this considered reply:

You obviously are a man and a very selfish one at that. You have absolutely no idea what childbirth is and why people might want to videotape it. It is an extremely sacred process that is a very definite part of life. I have videotaped many births and receive letters sometimes 20 years later from both parents and children thanking me for that experience.

--KYRA MARION

* A column about emergency 911 calls drew this humorous response:

There should [also] be three-digit numbers for nonemergency phone calls. Like 976 for the lonely, 086 for people suffering from low self-esteem and, the most important with the predicted disasters of Y2K, 666 for reporting an antichrist.

WAYNE E. SCOTT, Camarillo

* A column about banning cellular phones struck a nerve with readers. These e-mails were typical, and encouraging for those of us on the front lines:

In Barcelona, we noticed that whenever a cellular phone rang in a restaurant, the person immediately excused himself from the table and went to a corner or outside--far from any diner. By contrast, in Paris, there was a lot of commotion at one table because a woman had a separate cellular in each ear. And, at La Maison du Chocolate, arguably the best chocolate shop in Paris, there is a posted sign to the effect: “Smoking or Use of Cellular Phones Is Forbidden.”

--LYNN MONTHAVEN

The Union Square Cafe in New York started a [cell phone-free dining] policy about a year ago. Their feeling is that if you are too busy to be away from your cellular, then you are too busy to dine in their restaurant. It may be a bit harsh, but I sure like it. Yes, New York may be quite a distance to travel for a nice “cellular free” meal; however, that trend has started.

--PETE CAREY, San Jacinto

For comments and questions about the human-machine relationship, please e-mail to martin.miller@latimes.com or write to Button Pusher, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053, or fax to (213) 237-4888. Please include your name and city of residence.