When You’re Held Back for Fear You Might Surpass the Boss

Your boss criticizes you, assigns you scut work and never shares the inside tips that might help you get ahead faster.

It’s obvious that your boss probably doesn’t like you, but what she may not be admitting--even to herself--is the real reason she is making your life so difficult.

Though disputes between workers and supervisors are often chalked up to the catchall reason of conflicting personalities, in some cases the root cause of the friction may be the boss’ envy of the underling, experts say.

Some bosses fear that up-and-comers will one day surpass them on the company ladder. Others may simply resent that a subordinate knows more about a topic or has fresh ideas.

“There may be someone who perceives you as a threat to their position,” said Charlene Walker, co-owner of Women’s Focus, a Tustin-based career development and outplacement company. “In that situation, this type of boss is going to undermine the individual. . . . People go into behavior that is protective, and they protect their turf.”

In some cases, feelings of envy may arise from generational differences. Older people who have spent years working their way through the ranks may begrudge the opportunities for rapid advancement and good pay available today to younger workers. Those feelings may be heightened in an era in which younger people are often more likely to have computer or other advanced skills that are highly prized by employers.

“The rules have changed on the older generation,” said Mark Schor, a Dallas career consultant. “The old work ethic of pay your dues doesn’t work anymore.”

At first, it may be tough to know if your boss is insecure and actually resents your ability as opposed to, say, your personality. It’s rare for supervisors to blatantly display their dislike, in part because clearly inappropriate behavior could land them in trouble.

But there are telltale signs that a boss fears an employee’s potential: He or she downplays an employee’s ideas, talks behind his back or steers important projects that would normally fall under the worker’s purview to someone else.

What’s an employee to do?

The first step, of course, is to determine if you want to stay in that job or with that company. Perhaps you can move to another division with another boss. And in today’s strong economy, talented workers often can find another job fairly quickly.

But that’s not always possible. And if you otherwise like the company or would be forced to leave the area for another job, you may want to stay where you are. In addition, job counselors advise people to remain in an unpleasant job long enough to acquire the skills needed to advance in their careers.

“Stick there long enough to get what you came for,” said Marilyn Moats Kennedy, managing partner of Career Strategies, a Wilmette, Ill., consulting firm.

An insecure boss could have good reason to feel that way. He may feel threatened because he is in danger of losing his job. But it’s dangerous to try to wait out the boss in the hope he will be forced out, some experts say.

“These guys have a way of being very tenacious” in holding onto their jobs, said Howard Bennett, vice president of outplacement services at Power Marketing & Executive PR, a San Francisco-based career-management firm.

Though it’s of little consolation at the time, dealing with an antagonistic boss can be a positive learning experience, Walker said. Many people are eventually forced to work for an unpleasant person, and it’s better to learn coping skills early in a career.

“You’ll wind up working with this type of person again, and then you’ll be stuck with you again,” she said.

You may be surprised, but the first step is to ask yourself whether your attitude or behavior is subtly influencing your boss’ actions. Do you come across as arrogant? Or do you fight with the boss over assignments or strategies?

“How are you responding to that person?” Walker said. “If that person triggers a reaction in you, then you’re going to attack too, and then you have two people going at it tit for tat.”

Even if a boss initiates the unpleasantness, an employee who responds in kind may come across as disgruntled and could ultimately harm his standing at the company. Although it may be clear to you that your supervisor has it in for you, it may not be to everyone else.

“Other people in the office might say, ‘I can’t believe you let Mr. or Ms. Smith get to you,’ ” Walker said.

Added Kennedy: “If you’re not in physical danger, and your discomfort is just that this person is staring daggers at you, will you please get over it?”

In the past, it was tacitly assumed that employees would downplay their own aspirations to make their bosses look good to top executives, Schor said. Today, by contrast, younger workers are aren’t shy about touting their achievements.

“I’ve seen employees lose their job because they were doing too good a job,” Schor said. “If the employee does too good a job and starts to get the notice of the boss’ boss, then the boss gets caught in the middle and doesn’t look too good.”

Though it’s tempting, career advisors encourage employees to refrain from complaining about the boss to his superior.

That may backfire if the worker ends up undermining his own credibility.

It may be a good idea, however, for a worker to get as much exposure within the company as possible, Bennett said.

“Usually, what you have to do is build alliances within the organization,” Bennett said. “That doesn’t mean going behind your boss’ back. But make sure that your successes are realized outside your department.”

Employees, for example, could volunteer for interdepartmental committees on which they can display their abilities.

The downside, however, is that the push for greater exposure could exacerbate an already tenuous relationship with a superior, Bennett said.

In many cases, experts say, the best strategy is simply to make sure you’re doing the best job you can.

“You’ve got to really do good work and not do anything that would be seen as back stabbing,” Kennedy said. “You’ve got to really support the boss. It’s like the military says: ‘Salute the rank, not the person.’ ”

Employees should continue to pitch ideas and be innovative, Kennedy said. By doing so, a worker’s contributions may be recognized by others in the company, including top executives, potentially making it tougher for a boss to criticize or hold back an employee.

“I would keep throwing out ideas. I would ignore [the boss’ negative] behavior,” Kennedy said. “You’ve got to trick yourself into behaving as if this were a good relationship.”

Although doing that might ease some of the tension, don’t mistake that for a change in attitude by your boss. Because a superior’s insecurity is irrational, there’s little chance that his or her dislike of you will give way to friendship.

“If they don’t like you, they don’t like you,” Walker said. “You’re not trying to get them to love you, you’re trying to do the work and stay professional.”

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