LAUGH LINES

Silly Science: The state of California is concerned that an herbicide for weeds might also be damaging the prune crop. “This is the worst news to hit prune consumers since CBS canceled ‘Murder, She Wrote.’ ” (Jay Leno)

Logging On: Chess champion Gary Kasparov is taking on the entire world via the Internet in a match that allows Kasparov 24 hours to make a first move. “Then the entire world has 24 hours to vote on a second move, which will mostly likely be return to porn.”(Jon Stewart)

Wedding Bell Blues: Prince Edward of England was married last week. “So, sorry guys, he’s taken.” (Leno)

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The Essential David Letterman

Ways to make “Godfather IV” more appealing to teens:

10. Marlon Brando gets 2-foot-tall sidekick, mini-Vito.

7. Sonny Corleone ambushed at tollbooth by foul-mouthed “South Park” character.

6. Corpses of victims get dumped in Dawson’s creek.

5. Theme song by Ricky Martin, “Livin’ La Cosa Nostra.”

2. Goodbye severed horse head, hello severed Backstreet Boy head!

1. New title: “I Still Know Who You Whacked Last Summer.”

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