Mom and Dad, the Kids Need to Speak to You

This may come as a surprise to many parents: Even your elementary school-aged kids may be more interested than you think in talking about AIDS, sex and other serious issues, according to a new survey.

Many parents wait too long and don’t talk frequently enough with their kids about sensitive issues, according to a survey by the Kaiser Family Foundation and Children Now. The survey, part of an ongoing initiative called “Talking With Kids About Tough Issues,” surveyed parents of kids ages 6 to 15 and a smaller group of children ages 10 to 15. The study also found that, shortcomings aside, parents are getting better at communicating.

“There has been some progress,” says Matt James, senior vice president of the Kaiser Family Foundation. Lurid details of President Clinton’s involvement with Monica Lewinsky and the racy content on TV these days may be prompting parents to speak up.

The survey was taken last fall of 880 parents of children ages 6 to 15 and 348 children ages 10 to 15. It was conducted by Princeton Survey Research Associates.

It’s important for parents of preteens to discuss these issues because, from ages 10 to 12, children look to their parents as their primary source of information, the survey shows. When kids reach their teens, they rely more on friends and the media for information.

But some parents might find it difficult to discuss with their kids issues they wouldn’t have dreamed of discussing with their own parents; for example, what to do if someone brings a gun to school.

“You have a real feeling that you want to protect your child and keep your child as innocent as you can for as long as you can. While that’s a laudable goal, your kids are being exposed to information,” says James.

The survey found parents very willing to discuss basic facts on drugs, violence, drinking and driving, and AIDS. Three-quarters or more of parents of 10- to 12-year olds had discussed these topics. But only about half or less of parents had discussed more sensitive issues involving sex, such as peer pressure to have sex, how to know if you’re ready to have sex, and the effect of alcohol and drugs.

“It may be one of these things where you’re preaching ‘do as I say, not as I did.’ I think that’s hard for parents,” says James. “Many of us who grew up in the ‘60s, ‘70s and ‘80s probably engaged in premarital sexual activity. What you say to your kids may be different from what you actually did.”

But that discomfort shouldn’t deter parents from trying to advise their kids, he says.

“Kids, from 8 to 12, want to hear from their parents and are willing to take as an answer: ‘We’re not going to get into what I did when I was young. But this is what Mom and I think is right for you.’ It’s not dodging something. Kids accept these boundaries.”

Kids benefit greatly when their parents are willing to talk openly with them. For example, the survey found that the children of parents who had already talked to them about sex were much more willing to turn to their parents for guidance on other sexual issues.

The campaign provides assistance to parents through several resources, including free booklets available through a toll-free number (800-CHILD44) and a Web site (https://www.talkingwithkids.org). The April 1 issue of Family Circle magazine will carry an eight-page booklet called “Talking With Kids About Tough Issues.”

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Talking With Kids

A new survey of parents and children shows that even 10- to 12-year-olds want more information and guidance from their parents about sensitive issues. The survey, “Talking With Kids About Tough Issues,” was released today by the Kaiser Family Foundation, a health care foundation based in Menlo Park, Calif.

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Kids ages 10-12 Parents of kids who want more ages 10-12 who information never talked about topic about topic How to handle potentially violent situations 50% 15% How to protect against HIV-AIDS 50% 40% What to do if someone brings a gun to school 50% 21% What AIDS is 48% 22% What sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are 47% 38% How to handle pressure to have sex 44% 46% How to know when you are ready to have sex 43% 50% How alcohol/drugs might affect decisions to have sex 43% 46% How to handle peer pressure to use drugs/alcohol 40% 10% How to prevent pregnancy and STDs 38% 62% What kinds of birth control methods are available 32% 68% Homosexuality 28% 32% Drinking and driving 27% 18% How girls get pregnant 25% 27%

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Source: Kaiser Family Foundation