A Direct Line to the Future

Sometimes life throws you a curve, and you just don’t know who to turn to. Even worse, this sometimes happens away from your home phone.

Well, don’t worry. Psychic Kenny Kingston has the answer to whatever ails you: his new Psychic Passport, a prepaid phone card that, with any touch-tone phone, takes you on an immediate journey to one of Kingston’s psychic counselors. (You may remember: Kingston predicted earlier this year that Madonna would soon realize her child is the reincarnation of Eva Peron.)

The Psychic Passport has tons of advantages, say its marketing people. Probably the best one is that these 900 calls won’t show up on your phone bill. So when you become president of the United States and they subpoena your telephone records, you won’t have to say, “Senator, I have no recollection of consulting my psychic friend whose name may or may not have been Bubba in reference to any missile strike against Iraq.”

Will these new cards, which will soon be available in retail stores, catch on? Call your psychic.