Awards We Need Like a Hole in the Head

There are 22 categories at the Webby awards, the annual Oscar-like gala for the Internet set. By far the most interesting is one called “weird.”

Organizers of the Webbies must know this, because they save the weird award for last.

At last year’s ceremony, people sat patiently through acceptance speeches in ho-hum categories from sports to travel. But a roar went up when three offbeat characters strolled onstage to accept acclaim for their sinister “Sesame Street”-themed site, “Bert Is Evil.”

The Webbies return Thursday evening in San Francisco and, in most categories, the 3-year-old contest is becoming a little predictable. How big a surprise is it that Amazon.com, CDNow and EBay are nominees in the commerce category, or that Salon is again nominated in the magazine category?

But the weird category never disappoints. The five nominees are all new entrants and are as demented as ever. Here’s my take on them, in ascending order of weirdness:

https://www.unamerican.com

Unfortunately, the site was down for much of last week. That’s weird, but not exactly original.

https://www.superbad.com

Superbad is more bad than super. The home page, at least on one recent evening, was simply a diagram of an unrecognizable machine labeled a “receiving device.” Circles and lines underneath the diagram, when clicked, spewed out geometric patterns. Persistent clicking leads to more bizarre images, but random graphics are becoming an Internet cliche. Certainly not Webby-worthy.

https://www.absurd.org

This site consists of gothic-looking symbols floating over a jumble of numbers, letters and punctuation marks. Pointing the cursor at the symbols turns them into an image that resembles human intestines. The site gets points for being an utterly senseless creation in an increasingly commercial medium, but that’s about all you can say for it.

https://www.disinfo.com

“Disinformation,” which calls itself a subculture search engine, is like a portal for the paranoid.

Part of the site is like an online magazine, with sections on propaganda, revolutionaries, censorship, counterculture, counterintelligence and newspeak. Contents in the propaganda section, for instance, include essays from around the Web on everything from Prozac to Rush Limbaugh.

But there really is a search engine that seems to seek out the bizarre. A search of the term “rabbit” for instance, led to a picture of a rabbit in a Mayan sculpture. A search of the term “Disney” yielded hits ranging from information on the Southern Baptists’ boycott of the company to a site called “A Visit to Yesterland.”

https://www.trepan.com

OK, now it’s time to put the kids to bed and lock the doors. Trepan.com, an irredeemably weird site, is a compilation of everything you never wanted to know about the apparently ancient practice of drilling a hole in your head to let demons escape, relieve tension, impress the neighbors, whatever.

If the site is a joke, it doesn’t show it. Under the aegis of the International Trepanation Advocacy Group, Trepan.com describes the practice as “the oldest surgical procedure practiced by mankind,” and chides modern medicine for failing to recognize the “benefits” of punching a blowhole through your scalp.

There are sections on the history of the practice, its purposes and how to broach the subject with your doctor, as well as accounts from those who have actually done it. (Trepanation involves drilling just down to the brain tissue, and isn’t supposed to be fatal.)

A section on the evolution of trepanation instruments is downright spooky.

“In 1575, Matthia Narvatio, of Antwerp, invented a mechanical instrument which was operated by a cog-wheel turned by the hand. This was connected with another wheel, which when rotated actuated a circular saw which cut into the bone, but the instrument was so heavy and clumsy it does not appear to have come into general use (Fig. 518).”

Whew!

The coup de grace, so to speak, is a collection of audio clips from the documentary “A Hole in the Head.” The recordings include Trepan devotee Pete Halvorson describing his self-administered surgery.

At one point, he says, “The drill broke through the bone and I could feel it start to give way, at which point I knew I had penetrated through the bone and it was time to stop the drilling!”

Based on sheer weirdness--the only criteria here--Trepan gets my vote. I just wish I could be there to see the cranially ventilated person who collects the Webby.