His Sense of Humor Is Divine

Afterlife Mail: Friends of a British man who died of lung cancer received “wish you were here” postcards from heaven several days after his death, newspapers reported.

Johnny Morgan, who was 66, listed his address as “Heavenly Heights” on hundreds of notes reminding friends of the good times they shared. He had given the cards--many with pictures of harp-playing angels--to a friend to distribute after he died.

The campaign started at his cremation in Wales, when a letter handed to a buddy said the undertaker had forgotten to put a fire extinguisher in the coffin. Morgan had requested that his ashes be blasted out to sea in a rocket later this month.

A New Wrinkle in Bouncers: An Argentine nightclub is trying an unusual psychological ploy to prevent fistfights among patrons: women bouncers.

“It’s based on the premise that [men] don’t hit a woman,” said Daniel Monin Juregui, head of club security. When a woman intervenes in a scuffle, a man “generally doesn’t react aggressively,” he said. “There is a fear that if a woman beats him up he will never recover from his friends’ ridicule.”

In this case, that fear is well-founded. The six women guarding the club doors know martial arts.

Pi Patrol: A North Dakota high school held a “pi memorization” contest, and Jake Enget lapped the field. The 16-year-old somehow managed to recite 1,001 digits of the never-ending number, which most folks round off to 3.14.

Pi equals the circumference of a circle divided by its diameter. Enget said it took 10 hours to memorize the digits. But he said the process might have wiped out other digits stored in his brain: “It’s a wonder I can remember my own phone number.”

Buzzard Bazaar: Forget about swallows in Capistrano. In Hinckley, Ohio, they wait for the buzzards to fly home.

Legend has it that a flock of buzzards returns each March 15 to an area where in 1819 there was a big hunt for livestock predators. The carcasses of the wolves and other predators froze that winter, and the buzzards feasted in mid-March.

Sex Pros and Cons: A Norwegian town has planned an “erotic week” to encourage sex for couples wanting to have the first baby of the new millennium. The local cinema will run erotic films, and a hotel is offering free rooms for couples on March 30. However, the offer is only valid for locals who are married or registered as living together.

Such an event might flop in New Zealand, where a new survey found that citizens prefer sleeping, eating and sailing to sex. When asked their idea of a perfect evening, only one in 40 New Zealanders picked sex, far behind dining out (29.5%), a live show or concert (13%), gambling (10%) or getting a good night’s sleep (9%). Even kayaking fared better. Only 3% of baby boomers rated sex as tops, and just 1% of those younger than 30.

But Still No Sign of Jimmy Hoffa: The grave of five Confederate sailors who died when their Civil War submarine sank in the harbor of Charleston, S.C., in 1863 may have been found under the Citadel military college’s football field.

News McNugget:

* A Ukrainian farmer plans to produce an artificial limb for his three-legged heifer, a news agency said.

Wide World of Weird is published on Sundays. Off-Kilter runs Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.