LAUGH LINES

On the Campaign Trail: Acknowledging she might be interested in running for the Senate, Hillary Clinton said her priorities would be “creating opportunities for women, improving the lives of children and improving relations between world democracies.” “It sounds like she’s running for Miss America.” (Daily Scoop)

Capital Capers: According to a study, many government buildings in Washington, D.C., are structurally unsafe. “It’s gotten so bad, many of the congressmen are actually refusing to have sex in them.” (David Letterman)

Oscar Hangover: Elia Kazan, who named names in the ‘50s, was awarded an honorary Oscar. “That shows you how times have really changed here. In those days, if you wanted to ruin someone’s career in Hollywood, you claimed he was a communist. Nowadays, you want to ruin someone’s career in Hollywood, you claim they are Republican.” (Jay Leno)

It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane . . .: Two pilots have become the first to circumnavigate the globe in a balloon. “Now’s a good time to look back on other historic aviation feats. There were the Wright Brothers, responsible for the first airplane flight; Yuri Gagarin, the first man to orbit the Earth in a spacecraft; and Francis Ford Coppola, the first to circumnavigate Marlon Brando.” (Bob Mills)

Holy Hit: The Vatican has released a CD of Pope John Paul II reciting prayers to music. “The pope is taking this thing a bit too far. Today, he announced he’s having a feud with West Coast rappers.” (Conan O’Brien)

Holy Hit II: There’s also a music video to accompany the pope’s CD. “The high point of the video is when the pope tears up a picture of Sinead O’Connor.” (Colin Quinn)

Back in the Arena: Dennis Rodman has rejoined the Lakers after he told the team he needed a leave of absence to deal with personal problems. “I’m glad he’s got those problems out of the way and can get back to being the steady, well-adjusted person that he is.” (Mark Wheeler)

At the Movies: The mob comedy “Analyze This” is No. 2 at the box office this week. “Billy Crystal was wonderful as the psychiatrist and Robert De Niro was marvelous as the don. I give it four scars.” (Chris Weeks)

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The Essential

David Letterman

Song titles on the pope’s new album:

10. “Girls Just Want to Be Nuns”

9. “Wind Beneath My Vestments”

8. “Pretty Fly (For a Celibate Guy)”

7. “A Whiter Shade of Robe”

6. “Exactly Like a Virgin”

5. “Sistine Candles”

4. “Take This Job and Read It”

3. “Gettin’ Popey Wit It”

1. “Papa’s Got a Brand New Encyclical”

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