LAUGH LINES

Hold Your Fire: Yugoslavia is suing NATO in the World Court. “You know, this could be the solution we’re waiting for. Instead of ground troops in Yugoslavia, let’s send lawyers.” (Jay Leno)

Head of the Class: Hillary Clinton was principal for a day at a New York City middle school. “Apparently the kids loved it because they could all fool around and she had no idea anything was going on.” (Conan O’Brien)

On the Campaign Trail: Martha Stewart has reportedly made a large contribution to Al Gore’s campaign. “And not only that, she’s also given Gore tips on how to bring out his rich mahogany finish” (O’Brien)

Running on Empty: Gas prices in the Southland remain high. “It’s starting to affect the lifestyles of the people who live here. In fact, last night there was a high-speed police chase on the freeway and the suspect and the cops were actually car-pooling to keep the cost down.” (Leno)

We Apologize in Advance: Scientists recently cloned goats. “I personally think this is a baaaa-d idea.” (Rudolph J. Cecera)

Again, We’re Sorry: Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee are back together. “Whatever was bothering her, she must have gotten it off her chest.” (Billy Sottile)

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