LAUGH LINES

Silly Science: Psychologists studying video of Bill Clinton say that when he lies, he touches his nose. “And when he tells the truth . . . well, they still don’t know.” (Rudolph J. Cecera)

High Hopes: Plans are in the works for a Grateful Dead museum and theme park in San Francisco. “It’s divided into two sections: smoking and really smoking.” (Jay Leno)

We Apologize in Advance: Rumor has it that the Lakers could be purchased by a Philippine consortium. “In that case, they’ll be renamed the Manila Folders.” (Dale E. Van Vlack)

The Essential David Letterman

Good things about being Bill Gates’ baby:

10. Dad hires another baby to teethe for you.

9. If Daddy doesn’t give you the toy you want, you can rat him out to Janet Reno.

8. You look at baby on Pampers package and think, “I can buy and sell you.”

7. You can spit up on Al Gore when he claims he invented you.

6. You’re 2 days old and already you can beat dad at arm wrestling.

3. The “goofy hair” gene skips a generation.

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.