Dad’s Sick With Worry About His Kids’ Health
Dear Vicki: As a father who was blessed with his very first child at the tender age of 22, his second at 25 and his third at 31, I still find myself worrying about their health.
It doesn’t seem to matter if they merely have a runny nose, they don’t wear a sweater on a chilly morning or if, God forbid, they actually come down with something--I’m a nervous wreck.
--HOPELESSLY DEVOTED
Dear Devoted: To tell you the truth, I’m kind of shocked to hear such a young parent express the same neurotic feelings that I normally associate with “older” parents like me. I guess I just assumed that paranoia was reserved for those of us who had put off childbearing until we’d read all those alarming books and magazine articles.
I take everything from the Southern California infestation of killer bees to global warming to antibiotic-resistant bacteria as personal assaults against my children.
I’m not surprised, however, that you are a father with these concerns. My husband is nearly phobic about all upper-respiratory viruses, but I always suspected that he was motivated by equal parts paternal concern and fear for his own contamination. So, just to cover all my bases, let me ask, are you worried about getting the kids’ cooties . . . even just a little bit? But I digress. . . .
What you’re really feeling is that universal parent fear that the universe might somehow harm the blessed little beings who’ve been put in our care. This panicky feeling you describe is simply one aspect of that lifelong romance. There’s not a mommy or daddy worth their salt who wouldn’t gladly chew their own arm off in a deal with the devil to spare their little darling a moment of pain, illness or heartbreak.
I have been at this parenting job for nearly 12 years now, and I still haven’t seen any sign of the paranoia letting up.
Take it from me, a little worry won’t kill you, Dad. It could, however, clip the wings of the three little ones entrusted to your care. Parental hovering isn’t usually interpreted as a message of love by kids over the age of 10--it’s seen as smothering and something to run from. If we give our kids the message that the world is an unfriendly, germ-infested place, we undermine their confidence in going out and conquering it. Even kids with special health concerns should be encouraged to venture out from beneath our wings and risk the occasional setback or runny nose.
One of the most delicious joys of childhood is the belief in your own invincibility--why bum them out prematurely with our mature concerns? Offer the sweater when you can, suggest a vegetable here and there, but trust that Mother Nature is your partner here and she is intent on propagating the species.
If it’s any comfort to you, I’m willing to bet good money your children will thrive and eventually become parents themselves. Then they’ll know what a scary place the world can be.
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Vicki Iovine is the author of the “Girlfriends’ Guide,” a columnist for Child magazine and parenting correspondent for NBC’s “Later Today.” Write to her at Girlfriends, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A., CA 90053; e-mail GrlfrndsVI@aol.com.