Degreasers Come Up From Down Under

Tuesday’s column carried an item about a group with the same name as a rock band (Men at Work) degreasing a Southland parking garage. It made perfect sense to Mark Whalen. “It was likely an underground garage,” Whalen pointed out. “And the band was from Down Under (Australia).”

HIGH DRAMA IN THE VALLEY: The Web site for “Magnolia,” an offbeat drama that opens next month, describes it as “a story set in the San Fernando Valley on a day full of rain with no clouds.”

Guess we’ll have to see the movie to find out what in the world that means. But the film will no doubt add to my work in progress, “Unforgettable Dialogue From Valley Movies.”

Some other examples:

* “Just north of Hollywood in a town called San Fernando there have been reports of saucers flying so low the exhaust knocked people to the ground”--Military officer in “Plan 9 From Outer Space.”

* “Where’s Toluca Lake?”--Hit man John Travolta in “Pulp Fiction.”

* “Jules, we’re in the Valley. No one is going to recognize you.”--A friend comforting a powerful financier (Jason Robards) who’s covering up a murder in “An Inconvenient Woman.”

* “I’m Italian but I was born in Tarzana”--Danny DeVito, playing a short actor in “Get Shorty.”

* “I said the northwest Valley”-- A city water official telling private eye Jack Nicholson the location of some farm land in “Chinatown.”

* “That’s like saying they’re in Arizona”--Nicholson’s reply.

*

NO OFFENSE, ORANGE COUNTY: Crime is on the decrease in this country, which is great news for everyone. But it also means business is down for some people. Which may explain why one bail bond company has taken the unusual step of posting an ad on the spine of an Orange County telephone directory (see photo).

*

TIME FOR A RECOUNT: I hate to dispute the Guinness Book of Records, but the 1999 edition gives the title of “most jailed Hollywood star” to playboy actor Errol Flynn. Guinness gives no grand total, but mentions four of his trips to the hoosegow. I can’t imagine that he tops Martin Sheen, however. Unlike Flynn, I imagine Sheen is proud of his record. Capital Style magazine says that Sheen has been arrested 52 times for his “anti-nuclear and environmental activism.”

*

ON THE ROAD: The readers of Overdrive magazine, a publication for truckers, voted the I-5 and I-10 freeways in California No. 3 in the nation on their list of roadways in “unspeakably bad” condition. And, in the “Teach These Four Wheelers to Drive” category, the truckers declared motorists in California and Georgia the worst in the nation.

Oddly, no vote was taken to see what state produced the worst truck drivers.

*

BEFORE WE EXIT: Gene Hoggren, age 75, wrote that ever since speed limits were raised from 55 mph to 65 mph in some places, “younger folks seem to think 65 is the SLOWEST they should go.” After being subjected to the one-finger salute, loud horns and side-swiping motorists, Hoggren placed some messages on his car to alert others “that I am in MY slow lane” (see photo).

The result? “No more ‘finger,’ no more abuse, etc., from others,” he said. “Now just a gentle beep, a nice smile and some even slow down just a bit.”

Hmmm. I wonder if a 53-year-old driver would get the same result?

miscelLAny:

As you’ve probably read, actress Anna Nicole Smith is waging a court battle with her stepson over the fortune of her late husband. Smith, who is seeking more than $500 million, was 26 when she married 88-year-old Howard Marshall, who died the next year. Family squabbles always make me sad. I hope when this is over, no matter who wins, Smith will treat her stepson to an ice cream sundae. Even if the stepson is 60.