Skills Are Needed to Foster Different Ideas and Open Debate

Wouldn’t life be boring if we all thought the same, if we always agreed?

Differences of opinion are normal. Different perspectives stimulate thinking and result in better solutions. Having disagreements should be healthy.

Yet, how often do we observe anger in the workplace because of a disagreement?

Why do some managers get angry when alternatives are suggested? Why have some employees given up and stopped sharing views that differ from those of their supervisor?

It seems the art of disagreeing has been lost. Knowing how to disagree has become a rare skill.

We each have different talents and experiences. When we effectively combine these talents and experiences to unselfishly work together, we can do more. The “one-plus-one-equals-three” magic of synergy occurs.

But these differences can also be a source of disagreements. If we bury disagreements or make them personal, our differences become liabilities rather than assets. We function as a collection of free agents and not as a team. Clearly, knowing how to disagree is a skill that we must learn and practice.

Here are a few ideas that can help improve our skills in disagreeing:

* We must agree to disagree.

The reality is: We will have disagreements. And we realize that after a period of discussion, there is a time for debate to stop, for a decision to be made and for everyone to pull together and implement the decision to the best of their abilities.

Yet, all too often, people believe that we must always agree. And when the inevitable disagreement occurs, frustration can turn into anger. As a consequence of this anger, some people even hold grudges because of a disagreement.

If we know we are able to disagree, the pressure we place on ourselves and the other person to force agreement is removed. Discussion is conducted on a foundation of respect. Just because we disagree does not make either of us stupid or crazy. And understanding this helps us to listen better.

* Disagreement is not about personal winning or losing.

It is all about team success. We live and work in a competitive world. It is our job to voice our views and not just go with the flow. But too often, disagreements are viewed as personal competitive matches, with individual, and not organizational, winning or losing at stake.

As a result, we may inappropriately view disagreement as a threat. We may become defensive.

We might withdraw if we do not win and “take our ball and go home.” We may attack a person instead of arguing an issue. Clearly, when disagreement becomes personal, relationships are damaged. Teamwork falls apart. Morale and productivity suffer.

We need to understand that when we voice our views, differences may emerge. And it is important for these differences to be discussed and the issues debated. But once a decision is made, we must rally together and seek to implement the decision . . . as long as we are not compromising a core value. We need to do our best for the team and all stay on the playing field.

* Communicate directly with respect.

Make sure you communicate with the person with whom you have the difference of perspective, as opposed to complaining “sideways” to others. Seek a face-to-face discussion, rather than engaging in a memo war. And do not avoid a discussion of your differences. For example, don’t say yes when you mean no. You are employed to provide your best thinking, even when it is awkward or uncomfortable. Avoiding disagreement will create frustration and ultimately will hurt you and the organization.

* Be open-minded and view these discussions as a learning opportunity.

Listen and try to understand the other person’s position. Ask constructive questions. By doing so, you might clarify a possible misunderstanding or identify an acceptable middle ground.

Unfortunately, some people just want to hear agreement with their ideas. They tend to surround themselves with “yes” people. And they view disagreement and debate as an indication of not being a team player. What kind of team is this? How can we make good decisions or achieve our potential if we do not allow for different ideas or perspectives? Good managers seek alternative views. We need to create an environment that is safe, if not encouraging, for constructive questions and competing ideas. Good managers are open-minded.

* Let the other person know that you heard them.

After listening to the other person, constructively summarize what you heard them say. Frustration, if not anger, can develop when one party does not believe he is being heard or understood. Even if you cannot come to an agreement, letting the other person know you heard him reduces the temperature of any disagreement.

* Always take the high road.

Even if you become frustrated, do not lash out or try to get even. No matter how important the issue, do not shade the truth, rig the process, or “hide the ball” to have your position adopted. You may win the battle but you will lose the war by compromising your integrity.

Personal and organizational trust and respect are too important to violate.

Different ideas and open debate help strengthen an organization, not weaken it. We need to remember that disagreement is healthy and should be expected.

We all need to work on our skill of knowing how to disagree.

Let us encourage constructive debate and not punish those who have different views. Let us build organizational and managerial confidence so that questions are welcomed and not feared. Let us allow ideas to compete and be the best we can be.

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Gary Izumo is a professor in the Moorpark College Business Department and has managed his own consulting practice. He is a former McKinsey & Co. consultant and Practice Leader for the Strategic Management Consulting Practice of Price Waterhouse. You can e-mail him at gizumo@vcccd.cc.ca.us.