10 Cures for the Holiday Dreads
Dear Vicki: I just drove down Wilshire last night as I was picking my son up from violin lessons, and I noticed that there are already holiday decorations hanging over the street. By the time I got home, I was so anxious about how unprepared I am for Thanksgiving--let alone Christmas--that I realized I’m already dreading the whole thing.
I don’t know if I can survive the winter holidays, let alone enjoy them. Do you have any suggestions?
--NOT FEELING THE SPIRIT
Dear Not: Of course I have some suggestions. I too feel panicky and lightheaded when I start receiving enough holiday gift catalogs to provide a year’s worth of kindling for Fairbanks, Alaska. But I’ve been chipping away at the holiday dreads for 15 years now, and I’m more than happy to share any wisdom or insight gleaned along the way.
Because I know how frantic you are, I am giving them to you in a top 10 list (in homage to David Letterman).
10. Commit one Saturday morning to gathering your kids for a group photo. Buy any of the millions of festive photo-frame cards or have the photo reproduced at your film processor into holiday cards. Don’t feel obligated to dress up the kids or even have them all clean. Also, don’t dig out all the decorations or dress a tree early for the perfect background. Just have the kids put their arms around each other--even in their PJs--on your bed and shoot a roll of film.
9. Have each of your children who is within the age of reason (age 6 or older) pick one “special” gift they’d love to get from Santa. Work with them on this because the odds are 50-50 that their first choice will be something you can’t afford even if you got a second on your condo, or a toy that is so scarce that you’d have to fly to Taiwan and stand in line for a week to get it.
Most kids will be inspired by the thing that is most aggressively advertised on Saturday-morning commercials, but you can overcome that by reminding them of something else fun that is sure to bring them to the center of family attention. Remember, kids want to be involved with Mom and Dad more than almost anything. Exploit that and suggest a weekend of sledding together in Big Bear--with a campfire and s’mores included.
8. Don’t feel that there is something left for you to buy just because the stores are open at midnight on Christmas Eve. If you’ve ever noticed that the kids get up and walk away from the tree on Christmas morning with gifts still unopened, it’s a clear indication from God that you’ve bought way too much.
7. Wrap (and label) each gift as it enters your house. By the way, most toy stores will efficiently and properly assemble a bike or Big Wheel for as little as $10 to $25--take them up on it, for heaven’s sake. (I will share a big secret here with you: I pay my baby-sitters extra to wrap my latest purchases while I’m enjoying a night of frantic shopping.)
6. Consider places such as El Pollo Loco and Honey Baked Hams. They make fabulous holiday birds, which frees you to spend your time making Grandma’s famous creamed carrots or Mom’s legendary chestnut stuffing.
5. Decree that all holiday preparations end by the time the kids’ winter break begins. Sure, I realize that Hanukkah comes very early this year and you might have to serve turkey leftovers on the first night, but your family will still need a week or two of sanity and fellowship later.
4. Make sure you like where your family is spending the holidays. If I achieve nothing more with this list than to persuade you that guilt is a terrible justification for sacrificing your family’s personal joy and traditions at the end of this millennium, my work is done.
3. Don’t neglect the traditions that matter to your kids. If throwing everyone in the minivan in their jammies and driving through the neighborhoods with the best lights and decorations rings your kiddies’ bells, then kill yourself to keep up the pattern.
2. Book a sitter for New Year’s Eve by Thanksgiving. Offer to pay double. Also promise to pay her or him in cash (in case the ATMs all go on the Y2K fritz).
1. Get in touch with that part of your holiday that moves you to tears. If it’s a visit to the Crystal Cathedral, a Rockettes Christmas show, a religious service, a visit to an “adopted” family that you’re sharing the spirit of the season with, or even a bedtime gathering to read “The Littlest Angel” or “The Night Before Christmas,” don it like a spiritual oxygen mask and breathe deeply. Remember, we’re creating memories here.
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Vicki Iovine is the author of the “Girlfriends’ Guide,” a columnist for Child magazine and parenting correspondent for NBC’s “Later Today.” Write to her at Girlfriends, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A., CA 90053; e-mail GrlfrndsVI@aol.com.