You Can Cross the Border for a Song

As one of the world’s great in-the-shower singers, I was happy to hear from Robert Sharp of Pasadena that travelers returning from Mexico are expected to croon at the border (see accompanying).

Not sure which tune I’d recommend for serenading customs, though I’d advise against Bobby Fuller’s “I Fought the Law (and the Law Won).”

NO HANGER ON: Judging from his flier, there’s a West L.A. real estate agent who concentrates on one aspect of home properties (see accompanying).

FASHION NOTE: In Cal State L.A.’s student newspaper, Diane Johnson spotted a report of “a homeless-looking person . . . in a vehicle parked inside the B-Level of the parking structure.”

A check revealed that it was--you guessed it--a student “sleeping in her car before going to class.”

Johnson, who drives to Cal State L.A. from Mission Viejo, recalled, “When I used to attend an 8 a.m. class I had to leave at 5:45 a.m. Sometimes I would fall asleep in the car while in the parking lot before class. I sure hope I didn’t look too badly. At least I know my clothes were clean and neat and I did brush my hair and teeth!”

I had a school chum with a different parking problem. He dressed reasonably well but had an ancient jalopy that he feared would be towed away by school authorities. He was the first I knew to display the bumper sticker:

“This Is Not an Abandoned Car.”

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WE’RE NO. 1 (HONK): Here’s one that will shock drivers from Mission Viejo to Simi Valley: Southern California is home of the nation’s worst bottlenecks.

The intersection of the San Diego and Santa Monica freeways was rated the most horrendous by the American Highway Users Alliance, with the Ventura/San Diego freeway intersection No. 7, and the junction of the 55 and 22 freeways in Orange County at No. 8.

CBS radio commentator Dave Ross quipped that there’d be no bottlenecks if one simple policy had been followed from the start:

“When you build a new highway, don’t tell anybody about it.”

Then there was the solution proposed by Bill Kennedy in his “Mr. L.A.” column in the old L.A. Herald-Express more than 30 years ago: Make all streets and freeways in Southern California head one way, going north.

“So what happens then?” Kennedy asked. “Who cares? Then it’s Santa Barbara’s problem.”

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100 DAYS HAS SEPTEMBER . . . : With the 1990s coming to a close, Bob Rogers of Burbank thinks it’s time for the world to switch to . . . the metric calendar! He ticks off these advantages:

* Every week will be 10 days long: “You can work seven days a week and still have a three-day weekend!”

* Every month will be 10 weeks long, meaning a month is 100 days: “You only pay your rent every 100 days instead of every 30!”

* A year will be 10 months long instead of 12: “Goodbye November and December. No more Thanksgiving. No more Christmas. Speaking strictly as an employer, in the best tradition of Scrooge, I sure won’t miss all those paid holidays and expensive, unproductive office parties.”

* A year will be 1,000 days long: “I used to be 49 years old but with the metric calendar I’m officially 18 again!”

Alas, he’d be too young to drink at an Oct. 100th New Year’s Eve party.

miscelLAny:

Everyone likes a bit of recognition, Phil Reed of Long Beach noticed, even champion exhaust emitters (see photo).