Party Down

How does the fledgling careerist commit professional suicide at the office holiday party? It’s so easy. Just follow these 10 steps, inspired by tips from Young Adult Professional Associates Inc., a free, Internet-based membership organization for young professionals on the move (up, preferably):

1. Blow the bash off. This tells your colleagues, your bosses and your company, “I’m a very busy, very important person--I’ve got places to be.”

2. Forget that bosses are watching. You might not know who the bosses are, but they’re everywhere, and just because they don’t know your name doesn’t mean they won’t remember your face.

3. Dress for the beach. They’ll love how you march to your own drummer; they just won’t want you to work for them.

4. Talk business, business, business. You’ll bore them, bore them, bore them.

5. Talk relentlessly about yourself. This does not foster a sense in the boss that you comprehend the concept of teamwork.

6. Ignore the big boss. And down the road, the big boss will ignore you too.

7. Ask for a raise.

8. Grope that guy you’ve had your eye on for a while, the one who sits two cubicles down. Maybe you two will end up very happy together . . . working somewhere else.

9. Forget where you are. Screaming your college fight song doesn’t inspire in your boss that ready-for-the-next-rung-on-the-ladder kind of confidence. Toto, I have a feeling we aren’t employed anymore.

10. Party like it’s 1999. Hey, the booze is free!

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