LAUGH LINES

Nothing’s Sacred: President Clinton attended the annual prayer breakfast. “He thanked religious leaders for their guidance, paid homage to his family and read from the Bible, before praying that someone would pass him the damned hash browns already.” (Jon Stewart)

We Couldn’t Resist: Dionne Warwick’s house was recently robbed. “You’d think she would have seen that coming.” (Rudolph J. Cecera)

*

The Essential

David Letterman

Tommy Lee Jones roles:

10. Hard-nosed U.S. marshal chasing wrongly accused fugitive.

9. No-nonsense U.S. marshal chasing wrongly accused fugitive.

8. Gruff U.S. Marshall who sees dead people.

7. Intense McDonald’s employee chasing customer who took too many napkins.

6. Completely insane Diana Ross chasing airport security guard.

5. Adorable little ballerina chasing her dream.

4. By-the-book, break-all-the-rules detective trying to figure out whether you can be both by the book and break all the rules.

2. Hyperactive morning talk show host annoying people who want to be millionaires.

1. Chase bank employee chasing after Chevy Chase.

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, SoCal Living, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A., CA 90053.