Tips on Managing Conflict

* Understand your own feelings about conflict. This means recognizing your “triggers” --words or actions that provoke your immediate emotional response, like anger. Once you know your triggers, you can control your emotions better.

* Listen actively. Go beyond just hearing words; try to understand what the other person is saying. Listen carefully, instead of thinking about what you’re going to say next.

* Generate options for resolving the conflict. Get the facts straight, brainstorm all ideas that might help resolve the disagreement, and discuss the pros, cons and consequences of any action taken.

* Move away from confrontation toward agreement. Look at your response to conflict. If your style isn’t working, you’re left with raging emotions that lead to more problems; try to change your style. Here are two techniques:

First, state your needs and define the problem. Talk about the issues without insulting or blaming the other person. Don’t state your position; that’s simply your solution to the problem. Distinguish between what is said and what is really meant.

Second, discuss with the other person various ways of meeting needs or of solving the problem. Be flexible and open-minded. Decide who will be responsible for specific actions after reaching agreement on a plan.

* Get help. If you can’t work it out, consider one of the following:

Try mediation. Mediators do not make decisions; they help people make their own decisions.

Try arbitration. In arbitration, a neutral person acts as a judge. Disputing parties agree on an arbitrator who then hears evidence from all sides, asks questions and hands down a decision. Usually, the arbitrator’s decision is final.

Try an ombudsman. That’s someone who is hired by and works within an institution. The ombudsman’s job is to investigate complaints from the public against the institution, make recommendations and try to resolve problems. He or she has no enforcement power.

Sources: The National Citizens’ Crime Prevention Campaign; the Crime Prevention Coalition