Are Wedding Bells Still Ringing?

A recent report by David Popenoe, a sociologist at Rutgers University and cofounder of the National Marriage Project, found that young adults, particularly young women, are not optimistic that they will find a lifetime partner. Furthermore, young women are increasingly embracing living together and unwed motherhood as acceptable lifestyles.

Between 1976 and 1995, the number of high school senior girls who say having a child out of wedlock is a worthwhile lifestyle rose from 33% to 53%.

MARY REESE BOYKIN spoke with area teenagers about their views on marriage.

MONIQUE HUIZAR

20, administrative assistant, Inglewood

I am a rebel. I tend to do things the way I want, even if it’s against tradition. At 18, I had my son. I was unmarried at the time and still am. My boyfriend was 25 when the baby was born. The day after my hospitalization, I moved in with him. At first, we lived with his mother, then in a unit behind her house. Recently, we bought our own home. We are moving forward.

My family hasn’t said anything directly to me, but they look at me differently. They know that at any moment, we could break up and I could be alone with a child. I think that society plays a role in setting guidelines and rules, but I feel that a person must decide his or her own course of action.

I don’t want to deprive my son of his father’s presence just because we are not married.

I don’t care what other people think. I am there for my son and my boyfriend. Marriage isn’t an issue for me. But as I talk to more people, I realize that a lot of them are uncomfortable with my choice; they are more traditional.

But even if we broke up, I think it is better to know now during a living together state than in marriage where there are problems that can’t be worked out.

Regardless of what happens, I am going to be the best mother to my son that I can be. I think one reason that more women in my generation choose to live together with a partner is that unlike our mothers’ generation--where men had more power over women--we are more self-reliant.

DENISE ALLAGOA

17, sales representative, Inglewood

Iwant to get married someday. divorce simply because one of the partners has fallen in love with someone else or because of of financial problems. Now adultery is a reason for divorce.

When the subject of marriage comes up among my friends--and it frequently does--we list the qualifications we want in a husband: He must have a job because nobody wants to financially support a man. He must be willing to have an equal partnership; that is, he is willing to do housecleaning and share other responsibilities.

I have some friends who say that they don’t want a husband, but they want a child. Maybe they feel that they can take care of a child on their own, or maybe they are just being selfish. But I want a husband first.

MARILYN MACH

17, senior, Downtown Business Magnet High School

Iexpect to find a marriage partner to be with me all the time. But I think it will be hard to find a mate because I think that I am fat and skinny is in. One thing is sure: I will marry for love. In my Chinese culture, marriages are frequently arranged.

I still believe in being a virgin until marriage, but I can understand why some people choose living together first. It prepares them for marriage.

I want to marry when I am 25 or 26. That will give me a chance to mature and choose wisely. I want someone who is sensitive, caring and honest. My parents are good role models. They have been married for 20 years. They are close. They go everywhere together, still have a good time. In my whole life, I have witnessed them having only four arguments. I expect to live a happy life like theirs.

COLEEN REILLY

24, graduate student in cinema, USC

If I find a mate, I expect the marriage to last for a lifetime. Obviously, the person must share my view on marriage. I look for intelligence, decency and honesty, maturity, responsibility and a good sense of humor.

If I am fortunate enough to get married--and when and if I am able to have children--I would want to focus on raising the children. During those years, I would expect my husband to assume the financial responsibility of the family, and I would expect him to be involved with the children.

My father is an excellent example of a good husband and father. He spent lots of time with my sister and me. He took us to parks, read to us, took us to work with with him. I wouldn’t be willing to live together with a partner without marriage. I have read the studies that show that those in this type of relationship are more likely to break up after marriage. Also, my faith would not let me feel right about living with someone outside of marriage.