LAUGH LINES
Silly Study: Government researchers say seven in 10 illegal drug users work full time. “How else are they going to pay for their stash?” (Daily Scoop)
Silly Study II: According to the Office of Drug Control Policy, the typical American drug user has a full-time job, is married with children, has at least two years of college and is active in community affairs. “Sounds like whatever they’re taking is doing some good.” (Michael Feldman)
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The Essential
David Letterman
Pickup lines most frequently used on Miss America:
10. “Small world, you’re Miss America and I’m Arby’s employee of the month.”
8. “How would you like to be the next Mrs. Trump?”
6. “Might as well sleep with me, I’m gonna tell my friends you did anyway.”
5. “I’m trying to visit all 50 states, if you know what I mean.”
4. “I’m mesmerized by your glittering, insincere smile.”
3. “I like to wear gowns and tiaras too.”
2. “If you thought the pageant seemed like it would never end, wait till you spend a night with me.”
1. “Wanna see my Bert Parks tattoo?”
Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.
