O, It’s All About M

Hey, Oprah’s not the only one who’s got an exciting new magazine on the newsstands. I have one, and it’s called M.

You may immediately think: Why just M?

Well, if I made you think, then all my sweat and toil have been worth it. No, wait, what I mean is, if I save just one life, then it’s all been worth it.

(I don’t want to digress here, but I must admit I find it hard to believe my magazine will ever save anyone’s life--unless, say, you’re at a bank and an armed robber comes in and you swat him away with it.)

Anyway, why just M?

That’s part of the boldness and mystery. It’s like me. I’m bold and mysterious. Like when I don’t show up for work for four days in a row. Like when I answer my phone “Duffy’s Tavern, Duffy ain’t here.” Like when I claim to know what the government is up to in Area 51 but really have no idea.

But M is so much more. It actually is whatever you think it is. M could be for men. M could be for money. M could be for moron.

I like to think M stands for me. Because when you think about it, there really isn’t a lot written about me, and that’s got to change. Because I’m everyman, it’s all in me.

M’s target audience is the modern man. He’s smart and a little sassy. He’s cool and just a little bit ironic. He’s all rock and a little roll--including the one over his belt! (Hey, if you liked that one, stick around. I’ve got a million of ‘em!)

Highlights from the premiere issue of M:

* How to tell off the boss.

* How to tell off your girlfriend.

* How to tell off Janet Reno and her SWAT team.

* How to tell off the parking lot attendant.

* How to tell off strangers.

Our Regular Monthly Features:

Fashion

* Mom redux: We fly Mom in and have her choose your clothes for a week!

Finance

* How to panic sell your portfolio.

Fitness

* 17 years to a washboard stomach. Guaranteed.

Home and Garden

* Everybody was feng shui fighting.

Health

* The prostate: Chances are this “little guy” will kill you.

Life of the Mind

* Where the hell is my MacArthur “genius grant”?

Psychology

* Armchair quarterbacking: Throwing half-empty beer cans at the TV set during the evening news can add years to your life!

Relationship Rescue

* Silent treatment: How to intimidate with eyebrows, not words.

Sinatra

* No words. Just pictures of the Chairman of the Board, baby.

Spiritual

* Taking the road more traveled: It will make all the difference.

Success

* The secret? Thinking and living inside the box.