LAUGH LINES

Feeling the Buzz: “According to research at Johns Hopkins University, caffeine is added to soda to make it addictive, not to enhance its flavor. The soda industry immediately blasted the study and countered it with a study by noted researcher Dr. Pepper.” (Daily Scoop)

Only in L.A.: “The Democratic Convention was marred by protesters who started fires . . . [It’s] like clockwork. The four seasons in Los Angeles are earthquakes, brush fires, mudslides and riots.” (Argus Hamilton)

Cleaning Up: Police moved “all the hookers out of the [L.A.] downtown area so they don’t embarrass the Democrats. Embarrass the Democrats? Have you seen their poll numbers? It’s embarrassing the hookers!” (Jay Leno)

Working Woman: “Hillary Clinton gave a good speech at the Democratic Convention. She said she’s worked hard in the White House on behalf of children and women. After all she’s been through with Bill, men can go jump in the lake.” (Hamilton)

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