LAUGH LINES

Blocking It Out: “John McCain easily beat George W. Bush in the New Hampshire primary--just goes to show, when given a choice, people take a hothead over a crackhead any day. . . . And Bush is kind of licking his wounds . . . says he wants to put New Hampshire behind him and forget it ever happened, you know, kind of like he did with the whole 1970s.” (Jay Leno)

Altered States: “Now that New Hampshire’s over, all the candidates have gone to different states. . . . I think Gary Bauer is in the state of denial . . . after getting only 1% of the vote. . . . he said he’s not delusional, he was just hoping we were.” (Leno)

Poetry in Motion: “Due to a problem that they were having [last week] with Air Force Two, Al Gore had to take a U.S. Airways shuttle back to Washington. . . . Reportedly Gore spent the entire flight in the full upright and locked position.” (Conan O’Brien)

On High: “President Clinton was interviewed by film critic Roger Ebert Thursday. The president said his favorite movie growing up was ‘High Noon.’ That’s interesting, because George W. Bush’s favorite movie growing up was ‘Noon High.’ ” (Argus Hamilton)

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