LAUGH LINES
Big Brother: “Internet service provider America Online announced plans to merge with apparently lesser-known Time Warner Communications recently, bringing Planet Earth one step closer to being a place where everyone can be fired by the same bazillionaire.” (Jon Stewart).
Oh, Brother: “Ted Turner’s net worth rose 40% in one day after Time Warner was acquired in the multibillion-dollar AOL merger. He told reporters the deal was better than sex. That’s easy to say when your wife moved out only a week ago.” (Argus Hamilton)
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The Essential David Letterman
Top Donald Trump Tips for a
Healthy, Loving Relationship
10. No pickup line better than: “Have sex with me or you’re evicted.”
8. She touches the hair, she’s out the door.
7. Loving, healthy relationships should last no longer than three months.
6. Don’t brag, “Had her, had her, had her,” when watching Miss USA Pageant with wife.
4. Tell her, “Of all the women I’ve slept with, you’re somewhere in the 90-95th percentile.”
1. Rule No. 1: Become a billionaire.
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