That Beautiful Two-Letter Word

Now hear this all you blue- and white-collar laborers, stay-at-home moms and general working stiffs! Gather near, social butterflies and party animals! Heed the call, family and friends!

We would like to introduce to you something that you’ve always wanted but never thought you could afford! Something that could save you precious time and money! Something that could literally change your life for the better!

It slices, it dices. It’s invisible and odorless. It will never wear out.

Best of all, it’s free!

It’s No.

What, you ask? We’ll say it again: No.

Yes, brothers and sisters! No!

Good ol’ No. Sweet and simple No.

No, no, no!

*

In a world of social, business and familial obligations, no word is more fraught with peril yet gloriously liberating than No. Tuck No in your pocket and you have the greatest weapon for negotiating a more streamlined life. Employ No at the workplace and see how quickly that pile on your desk disappears. Let No release you from your commitments to the PTA, committee work and niggling social engagements. Gracefully unfurl No when relatives expect you to flap Yes.

Nancy Reagan was right: “Just say no!”

“Saying no to others means you’re saying yes to yourself,” said C. Leslie Charles, a professional speaker and business consultant from East Lansing, Mich. “Time is the most precious commodity of the new millennium. People are spending money to buy time. Time is a major, major issue. And yet we’re willing to sacrifice our time because we can’t say no.”

Charles, a trend-watcher and author of “Why Is Everyone So Cranky?” said that Yes-sayers need to work at bringing No into their lives without guilt or fear of retribution. “Short term, you’ll have to process the guilt of saying no, but in the long term you’re going to feel better,” she said. “I would rather have someone give me a loving no than a resentful or obligated yes that brings so much baggage with it.”

Susie Watson says she feels no obligation to give an explanation when she says No in her social and professional arenas. Does she feel guilty about it?

“Not at all,” said Watson. “Most people are afraid of saying no. Their biggest complaint about doing things they don’t want to do comes from the fact that they’ve said yes. It puzzles me because I don’t do that. My advice is to say yes only if you don’t mean no.”

Watson said No is the most effective weapon against wasting time. She should know: She’s director of advertising and public relations at Timex Corp. in Middlebury, Conn.

“Every year there are more demands on your time and there’s always something more vying for your time,” Watson said. “If anything, you have to be super-focused in what you want. Let’s face it: Other people are happy to use up your time. The question is, are you going to have a say in how your time is used?”

Time--saving it, that is--appears to be No’s greatest ally. Think of all the occasions you couldn’t bring yourself to say No and then hated yourself for having to follow through with your Yes. Think of all the stuff you bought because Yes came easier than No. Think of all the stress you took on at home and at work because No wasn’t in your vocabulary. Loser!

No, therefore, can be your new friend, a powerful tool to take back your life. OK, so you were reared in a Yes world where No was a sign of failure. Consider, then, that No may be able to take you further in the business world than Yes.

No is power and strength. No, deliciously glossed with selfishness and self-empowerment, now seems utterly correct.

Ann Baldwin is one of those finding ways to say Yes to No.

“I’m doing it. I’m learning to say no,” says Baldwin, a partner in Baldwin/Alverio Media Marketing in New Britain, Conn. “I just needed a new place to start.”

So Baldwin, public relations and media manager and host of “The Ann Baldwin Show” on WTIC-AM, began the new millennium welcoming No.

“So far, it’s working. So many people out there, especially working moms, have so many demands on their life. There’s the family responsibilities and the work responsibilities. We try to do it all,” said Baldwin, who has two children, ages 11 and 8. “At some point, you have to say: ‘What can give here?’ ”

Baldwin said that she’s cut back on some social obligations and will now try to accommodate only what can reasonably fit into her new, Just-Say-No schedule.

“My priorities are my family and running a successful business,” she said. “I tell people I will try to help them in any way I can during the course of my regular workday. But if it means time outside my regular workday or on Sunday, my only day off, then I’m going to say no.”

Gary Emerito says he’s never had a problem saying No.

“I make no apologies. If someone asks me to do something and it doesn’t fit into my schedule or my thought process or I feel I can’t do justice to the situation, then I simply don’t do it. I say no,” said Emerito, a real estate broker for Residential Resources in West Hartford, Conn. “I learned I have to take care of myself and not be stressed out. I literally could be out every night this week. But I know I just can’t do it. I’ve got to have time for me.”

Saying No isn’t easy. But ultimately it’s greatly liberating, Charles said.

*

“It takes discipline,” Charles said of adopting No. “Initially, when you try to change your behavior, you’ll be conflicted. There will be blocks and barriers. That’s why most people give up their New Year’s resolutions. In two to three weeks, you’ll find them in the dust.”

That’s why, Charles said, a No project needs to be worked on every day. “Think of the phrase ‘purposeful living.’ Say yes to yourself and no to trivial things,” she said.

But, she also cautions: Don’t go to extremes. “Don’t find yourself saying no to everything.”

And there’s a flip side to No. You may be getting No back in return. Deal with it, Charles said: “Learn to hear no, accept it in others.”