This Agent’s a Bit of a Dinosaur

The young son of a writer friend of mine became excited when dad’s agent phoned the house--so excited, in fact, that he demanded to talk to the agent. No, the kid didn’t have a book proposal. He mistakenly thought someone else was on the line when he heard his father’s greeting. The kid thought a well-known purple dinosaur had called. Name of the agent: Barney.

THE TABLOIDS COME TO GLENDALE: Voyeuristic reality shows are the rage now. So it’ll come as no surprise that TV’s “Inside Edition” show spent four hours filming Joseph Clift of San Dimas in bed.

But it wasn’t the most riveting action--although Clift did sound somewhat like a riveter.

“Inside Edition” was at Glendale Adventist Medical Center to record the snoring sounds of Clift. He was the winner--if you can call it that--among 16 entrants in the hospital’s annual noisy-sleeper competition.

The good-natured Clift, who agreed to the presence of cameras, didn’t get rich with the victory but he will get some sleep. His prize was some equipment used to treat his condition.

After all, he didn’t want his wife to vote him off the island, so to speak.

TALK ABOUT CHEAP TUITION! Nell and John Newman of Huntington Beach came upon what appeared to be the nation’s most inexpensive beauty school (see photo).

IS THIS TAUGHT AT THE BEAUTY COLLEGE? John Sudermanof Burbank writes, “Breast reduction surgery may no longer be necessary. Simply have your air conditioning system serviced” (see accompanying).

MOVING ON TO TEATS: San Pedro’s Beacon House recovery group for addicts receives some odd donations at its thrift shop. Spokesman Art Vinsel says the items have included a home pregnancy planning/ovulation prediction kit, a “pile of Frederick’s of Hollywood lingerie” and a trophy that was originally presented to the “Miss Love and Friendship” winner in the 1985 Miss Kansas USA contest.

But at least those objects are for humans. A few years ago the facility received a tin of Bag Balm antiseptic ointment, whose label said it was “for chapped teats” and should be applied “after each milking.” It was made for cows.

Vinsel can’t remember what happened to the balm. Maybe it was bought by someone who used it for hand creme, a not-uncommon use I’m told. Or maybe a San Pedro cattleman purchased it.

RAT-RACE REPORT: The Rodent, an anonymous Westside lawyer--who fashions himself “the official underground chronicler of lawyer life”--presents jokes, oddities and irreverent advice on the Web site https://emplawyernet.com.

Here’s one yarn he tells about a law firm recruiter interviewing an applicant just out of law school.

Recruiter: What starting salary are you looking for?

Attorney: In the neighborhood of $75,000, depending on the benefit package.

Recruiter: Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 15 paid holidays, full medical and dental insurance, matching retirement fund contributions and a firm car leased every two years, say a BMW?”

Attorney: Wow, you’re kidding.

Recruiter: Yes I am. But you started it.

miscelLAny:

Happy Fiscal New Year!

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.