LAUGH LINES
To the Rescue: “A study by drug company Pfizer shows that Viagra is not harmful to the heart. Meanwhile, Bayer is planning to come out with an anti-impotency drug. Best part: After you take the drug and your wife gets a headache, Bayer can help you there too!” (Daily Scoop)
Medicine Man: “A doctor in Vancouver [reports that] for some of his patients with hypertension, being in the doctor’s office actually helps lower their blood pressure. . . . That’s before they see their bill.” (Ira Lawson)
*
The Essential David Letterman
Top Ted Turner Pickup Lines
10. “One more drink and I’ll be ready for a merger.”
9. “Wanna go back to my place and make some ‘Turner Classic Movies’ of our own?”
7. “How tall am I? I’m 5 foot 9 . . . 6 foot 7 when I stand on my wallet.”
5. “Baby, I wouldn’t get tired of you for at least a year.”
4. “Marry me and you’ll have the same name as dozens of lousy cable stations.”
3. “I’m a captain of industry by day, and Captain Makeout by night.”
2. “How’d you like to go to third base on Turner Field?”
1. “Who wants to be a billionaire?”
Send jokes to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.
Start your day right
Sign up for Essential California for news, features and recommendations from the L.A. Times and beyond in your inbox six days a week.
You may occasionally receive promotional content from the Los Angeles Times.
