It Costs More Than an Arm and a Leg

Lately this column has discussed how some patients facing arm or leg surgery use a felt pen to designate “Yes” on the part being operated on and “No” on the healthy part.

Well, Hal Landy of Woodland Hills says his HMO recently advised him to make such markings.

” Trouble was,” Landy said, “my operation was on the prostate.”

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WHICH REMINDS ME: When a friend read about this subject in my column, he said, “I guess if a guy is going to have a back operation, they mark ‘Yes’ on his back and ‘No’ on the back of the guy in the next bed.”

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“DUH!” FILE ENTRY: Tom Kehoe of Placentia sent along a sign stating the obvious near Newport Pier (see photo).

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EL LAY VS. ES EFF: You’ll never guess why San Franciscans are mad at Southern Californians now (I know you don’t care why, but you should get a laugh out of this).

Columnist Mark Simon writes in the San Francisco Chronicle that he is distressed over the “creeping Los Angelesization” that has people in the Bay Area referring to “freeways with the preceding article ‘the’--as in ‘the 880.’ ”

“Should you meet a recent SoCal transplant,” he writes, “you’ll hear it cluttering up his or her speech. Traffic was bad on the 101. Someone took the 280. There was an accident on the 680.”

What Simon fails to realize is that the “the” is necessary down here because drivers often use a colorful adjective to refer to the freeway. i.e. “Traffic was bad on the #$&*%@ 134.” Oh well. Simon isn’t the first writer to do a number on L.A.

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GUERRILLA PROOFREADERS’ REPORT: Some odd uses of the English language in print, as spotted by Only in L.A. readers:

* A 100-year-old man referred to as a “centurion” (submitted by Roberta Cates, who wonders if he’s the oldest warrior in the nation).

* A cemetery offering a class on “morning” rituals (from Peter Ulrich, who says, “You would think a cemetery would know how to spell ‘mourning.’ ”)

* A $600 telescope for “precise tracking of the moon and plants” (from Jerry Willemssen, who observes that that’s “an astronomical price to pay to watch grass grow.”).

* A store sign declaring that checks are acceptable when “imprinted with name, address and telephone number of maker” (from John McAfee, who asks, “God as a reference?”).

* A $3,495 Ford “Crow” Victoria (from Jim Moore, who comments, “Apparently a cheaper version of the Ford Falcon.”).

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PROTEST CENTRAL: While the City Council reconsiders the designation of Pershing Square as a gathering place for demonstrators at the Democratic National Convention, I’m hearing some suggested alternatives.

Milton Kagen of Hollywood wonders if the gravel pits of Irwindale--once intended as the stadium site for the L.A./Irwindale Raiders--are available.

Or why not the Coliseum? Officials there are certainly experienced in handling unruly crowds from the days of the Raiders.

Then there’s La Crescenta, which has a park with a name that might have a sobering influence on would-be rioters who have criminal records (see photo).

miscelLAny:

Happy July Fourth! And three cheers for the Statue of Liberty West at the Liberty Hotel (see photo by Lisalee Wells), an inspiration to all who sail by in traffic on Cherry Avenue.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.