Laying Fears to Rest

Making decisions on how to bury Great Aunt Sally with dignity is a lot easier if you have instructions from Great Aunt Sally.

Would she prefer cremation or be appalled at the thought of it? What color dress would she like to wear? Who should sing her favorite hymns at the service, if there is a service? And, by the way, what are her favorite hymns?

While you are worrying over such questions, you also ought to be prepared to give her mother’s maiden name for the death certificate.

To avoid burdening your loved ones with burial decisions when they are overwhelmed with grief, you might want to visit a funeral home and meet with a licensed funeral director to make pre-funeral arrangements and have them kept on file.

“I pulled a file from 20 years ago for a family and they were so relieved to know exactly what their mother preferred,” said Larry Michael, area manager for Pierce Bros. Mortuaries in Thousand Oaks, Oxnard, Westlake Village, Ventura and Santa Paula.

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At Pierce Bros., an experienced and licensed staff provides a variety of choices of services, Michael said.

Almost all the choices come with a range of prices, depending on what is wanted. For instance, the cost of flowers would be determined by the size of arrangement and type of flowers. The price of transportation would be determined by how many cars or limousines are required. Suits and dresses to be worn by the deceased are even available, he said.

Clients are welcome to come in and make pre-funeral arrangements at no cost and may have their preferences documented and kept on file, he said.

“Prearranging . . . gives you an opportunity to make decisions with a clear mind and not leave it to family members to do when they are overwhelmed with grief,” Michael said.

At Pierce Bros., caskets range in price from $295 to $3,000, and a traditional burial--with viewing, embalming, dressing, cosmetics and other services that include use of facility and staff--ranges from $1,470 to $3,000. But there are many variables, Michael said.

When choosing a funeral home, people should find out how experienced the staff members are, if they are licensed, if you can meet them and if they offer all the services needed, he said.

Pierce Bros. has its own florists and vehicles and the facilities are well-maintained, Michael said. The mortuaries have been in the community for a long time and offer grief counseling and other programs afterward.

At Reardon Mortuary in Simi Valley, caskets usually cost $700 to $7,000 but can go as high as $20,000, depending on the manufacturer and the material, said Bradi Dahmen, a third-generation funeral director.

Such price variations are a good reason to prearrange a funeral, she said.

“There is a huge emotional advantage to selecting your services and merchandise ahead of time, so you can get what you can afford and give your family a great gift on what will be the worst day of their lives,” Dahmen said.

It is especially helpful when couples come in and make decisions together, she said.

Often a widow will not be experienced in making decisions without her husband, and planning a funeral is a difficult time to start doing so, she said.

A casket is not the only item that needs to be purchased. A grave box or vault is required to be put in the ground and runs about $300 to $2,000, with an average one costing about $800, she said.

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Less expensive is direct cremation, which costs about $1,100. Traditional memorial services run about $1,600.

By law, funeral homes are required to itemize expenses. This is good because the cost of each part can be determined separately, and money can be saved or spent according to preference or budget.

At family owned Aabbey memorial services in Oxnard, manager Otto Schimmel also recommends that people prearrange funerals, keeping the information on file in their own homes or family vaults.

“It is absolutely a must so that people with grief or guilt do not overspend and throw money into the ground when they should be using it for the living,” Schimmel said.

A list of vital statistics should be kept with your mother’s maiden name, Social Security number, date of birth, years in county, where you lived before and military service information.

Schimmel also said that many people value economy and realize that a casket is a casket no matter if it has a 30- or 100-year warranty.

Since Great Aunt Sally survived the Great Depression, it’s probably a good idea to assume that she would not appreciate extravagance.

A simple, direct cremation at Aabbey costs $649.13 complete, he said. A traditional, religious funeral service costs $1,700 to $1,900, he said. A simple box casket is $169 and one with 24-karat gold is about $22,000. The average casket costs about $800 to $1,100, he said.

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Nancy Needham can be reached by e-mail at nancy.needham@reporters.net.