Digging Through the Layers to Find That Inner Beauty

We really shouldn’t be surprised by the things we hear from the land of aesthetic dermatology. This, after all, is a world in which faces are regularly bathed in acid or zapped with lasers, neither of which sounds particularly kind and gentle, no matter how beautifying they may actually be.

But having at a client’s face with a razor and slicing skin off in tiny little strips?

We admit, this made us balk. We further admit we were ghoulishly intrigued.

We learned that the procedure actually involves a scalpel and is called “dermalplaning.” From the sound of it, I have done it to my legs more than once.

I jest, of course: Dermalplaning is rather different from a shaving mishap. It’s not as deep, removing just the top, dead layers of skin. It costs more. And there are more steps involved.

First, we’re told, one must “prep” or “prime” the face--why does aesthetic dermatology sound so like house renovation?--which involves, among other things, the application of a “decrustation lotion.” This sounds only marginally less horrid than “decrustacean,” the initial spelling I was given, which conjures up images of shellfish removal. (This might be just the ticket for a vain whale with a barnacle problem.)

Only then does the “paramedical aesthetician” pick up a scalpel and start shaving the outer layer of the epidermis, especially in areas that have blemishes, so as to rejuvenate the skin.

There are some people, of course, who might be chary of letting someone pare the top part of their face like an apple. They may prefer to scrape their faces instead, in the comfort of their very own living rooms.

Apparently they now can, courtesy of a “microdermabrasion home treatment kit” put out by a Southern California cosmetic surgeon.

Microdermabrasion is similar to sand blasting the side of a building to remove grime, except that, instead of blasting off grime, you’re blasting off the top layers of your skin. And instead of sand it’s tiny crystals that get blown at you and then sucked away again.

Home microdermabrasion is rather different (to us, it conjures up images of thriftily scouring one’s face with a Brillo pad). Instead of being a sand blaster, it’s more akin to a piece of sandpaper because the little crystals are attached to the implements one wields. The kit costs $259. Maybe next paycheck? (Maybe not.)

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Finally, you may know that you can expend lots of energy by getting outside and attacking your garden (with, of course, plenty of sunscreen and a wide-brimmed hat, so your face is less likely to need razor-shaving or sand blasting some time down the road).

But weeding and digging aren’t for all of us. Should you be interested in other ways of working off lard, check out https://www.plu.edu/~chasega/met.html for an extensive list of the energy expended on all kinds of other leisure pursuits.

The info is provided not in calories burned but in METs, or “metabolic equivalents.” One MET is how much energy you or I expend lolling about on the couch. Weeding and planting are 4.5-MET activities; digging and mowing are 5- to 5.5-MET activities. Here are some other listed METs.

* Playing music energetically: 3-4 METs.

* Golf, riding a power cart: 2-3 METs.

* Dancing the fox trot: 4-5 METs.

You’ll find METs, at this Web site, for many other exploits--shuffleboard, billiards, skeet, tetherball, even pickleball. Something for all the family.

What is pickleball, anyway?

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