Life Imitates Game Show Art in Court Case

“Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” has so permeated the nation’s consciousness that at least one witness in a local federal court case seemed to momentarily think he was a contestant on the show--and able to take advantage of its liberal rules.

Court reporter Ira Lee Newlander sent along an excerpt from a deposition in which the witness turned to a former business colleague, present in the room, for help in answering a question. The questioning lawyer gently reminded the witness that it was his testimony alone that was sought.

“Can’t ask?” the witness said.

Q. No, you can’t ask him.

A. It’s not like “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire”?

Q. No, it’s not.

A. OK.

Q. It’s not a lifeline. All the best.

WHITTIER, WILMINGTON, WHOOPS! A South Bay newspaper that emphasizes its local coverage got its towns mixed up the other day (see accompanying). I can almost hear Regis Philbin saying, “I’m sorry. . . .”

SOME CANDIDATES WHO DIDN’T RELY ON POLLS AND FOCUS GROUPS: I don’t know about you, but I wish there were more presidential candidates this year who offered “a choice, not an echo,” as backers of Barry Goldwater used to say.

Looking through my files I can pick out several from years past who left you no doubt where they stood on the issues. Some of my favorites were:

* Ernest Whitford of San Pedro, an anti-constipation candidate, who would have required “all manufacturers to add bran or 7% roughage to all processed foods.”

* Susanna Dakin of Venice, who promised that if elected she would urge that “the leaders of nuclear nations have themselves wired to detonate first” in the event of a nuclear war.

* And Allen Michael of Stockton, who pledged to bring about world peace with a platform devised by extraterrestrials. The spacemen had beamed him aboard a spaceship in Long Beach in 1947 while he was putting up a billboard.

HORSEPLAY: I should have known that the item here about the columnist who rode his horse into the downtown Redwood saloon would stimulate the memory of an L.A. Press Club member.

Sure enough, Gene Webster of Studio City swears that nearly half a century ago he found himself in another bar on the corner of Western and Beverly when he heard the clatter of some “not-tiny-hoofs.”

“I saw this Western-type guy riding a horse through the front door,” Webster recalled. “He cantered up to the bar, dismounted and ordered a drink. Then he added, ‘And give my horse a beer.’ When the barkeep began to pour the brew into a glass, the cowboy stopped him. ‘Just leave it in the bottle,’ he said. The horse stretched over, picked up the bottle in his mouth, tilted his head back and drained the brew.”

Webster admits that he started “to look around for an assortment of pink hippos in tutus on a break from filming ‘Fantasia’ ” until he heard the explanation.

The cowboy was an entertainer on his way home with his trick pony when seized with desire for a drink. He parked his horse trailer and started to walk into the bar alone “when he noted that there were only a few patrons inside” and decided to give “us barflies a treat.”

Webster adds that, partly influenced by this incident, he later “swore off the hooch.”

WHY THE RAINY WEATHER? You want an explanation for all the rainy weather? It’s Mother Nature lobbying for a “no” vote on a make-believe proposition that she’s probably tired of seeing in the Official Sample Ballot election after election (see accompanying).

WHAT ABOUT THOSE WHO ADORE ANAHEIM? “The Education of Randy Newman,” a musical consisting of the performer’s songs, comes to the South Coast Repertory Theater in Costa Mesa May 26-July 2. But how will Orange Countians react to the playing of “I Love L.A.”?

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Happy Super Tuesday!