Vanity Plates Can Inspire Laughs, Fear

The knx1070.com Web site, which displays unusual personalized license plates, acquired an international flavor this week when the radio station received an e-mail from Inowroclaw, Poland.

The sender, Jacek Czarnecki, dispatched a list of Polish vanity plates with such translations as NAKED, LOVER and VODKA. The one that caught my eye was P1 SKACZ, which, he said, roughly means HEY YOU! JUMP!

Sounds like pedestrians have to be on their toes in Poland, too.

TALK ABOUT NO FRILLS: Larry Latulip of Torrance saw an ad for a sport utility vehicle whose license plate could be HELP, since the accessories don’t appear to include doors on the driver’s side (see accompanying).

THANKS FOR THE WARNING: Sylvia Dohnal of Arcadia noticed an ad for an animal whose reason for liking children isn’t clear (see accompanying).

WHERE’S THE GREY POUPON? Chuck Levin wasn’t surprised by the brand name on a bicycle belonging to one Westside police department (see photo).

PRESIDENTIAL ICE CREAM POLL BULLETIN: Now that a Superior Court judge has declared that Pat Buchanan, not John Hagelin, is the true Reform Party nominee, I’ve had to eliminate one suggestion from this column’s flavor contest:

Hagelin-Daaz.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE BILL GATES IN YOUR POCKET? When the New Hampshire-based Littleton Coin Co. queried collectors about who should be depicted on a new coin, the suggestions included past and present world leaders, as well as Jesus Christ, Bill Gates, Tiger Woods and Pamela Anderson.

The top three vote-getters were civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr. (182 votes), and presidents Ronald Reagan (179) and Harry Truman (164).

Elvis (I knew you’d ask) was 10th, with 58 votes, just behind John Wayne (64).

Should Elvis get the nod, a separate poll might be in order, along the lines of one conducted by the U.S. Postal Service. “We did not ask if people want a young Elvis or an older Elvis portrait on coins,” confessed Jeffrey Marsh, Littleton’s spokesman.

One-vote wonders, besides Pamela Anderson, were the Three Stooges, Jack Nicholson, Jay Leno, David Letterman, Elmer Fudd, Alfred E. Newman, and half of the team of Sonny and Cher (not her).

miscelLAny:

I mentioned that while I was attending a production of “Cats,” a member of the cast ran down the aisle and stopped to rub my bald head with her paw as the audience roared with laughter.

Well, as if it’s any comfort to me, Ken Gaskell writes: “I just returned from vacation in Ireland where I saw one of those signs that you hang in the back window of a car. It said: ‘I Am Not Bald! This is a Solar Panel for a Sex Machine.’ ”

To think of all that I’ve missed by wearing a hat outdoors . . .

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.