Club Offers Empathy When Stork Super-Sizes the Order

Walking into a house full of twins--16 sets of them--can seem overwhelming to practically anyone, not to mention a woman pregnant with twins.

We’re talking a huge living room packed with crying, restless and crawling infants accompanied by their visibly exhausted mothers.

Last winter, when I was six months’ pregnant with my twins, Sofia and Nicolas, I went to a get-acquainted tea of the San Fernando Valley Mothers of Multiples Club in Sherman Oaks to meet women who had experienced what I was about to go through.

Apparently, the veterans recognized the shock on my face.

One woman put her arm around my shoulder and in a very soft, soothing voice said: “Don’t worry, honey. Remember you’re just having two, not 32.”

Then she smiled and walked away.

Sofia and Nicolas are 5 months old now and that initial fear--well, more like terror--is gone, thanks to the incredible support from club members.

Lynda Jacobs is one of them. A six-time past San Fernando Valley Mothers of Multiples Club president and the mother of 16-year-old twin girls, Jacobs helped explain what a new mother of multiples goes through.

“The first year you’re in the trenches and the first few months, it’s like ‘Oh my God! What have I gotten myself into? How am I going to do this?”’

It was comforting to have someone like Jacobs, who has survived twin boot camp and seen many others live through it too, say those words.

For decades members of the club have helped women cope with the challenges of twins and triplets.

There are numerous groups for mothers of multiples throughout the nation and California. The San Fernando Valley chapter has 120 members and has been around for 45 years, offering mothers of multiples--mostly twins--the kind of support and camaraderie they can’t possibly get anywhere else.

There are the valuable tips parents of singletons don’t even think of, like how to baby-juggle, what to do when they both cry and how to get them on the same feeding schedule.

Are the twins waking each other up at night? Try keeping them in the same crib, the veterans advised, and they seem to sleep more soundly.

There’s also advice on how to recruit help. Lots of help! I’m a single mother, and I needed a lot of it. But how to approach people?

The suggestion: collect overdue favors from old friends and appeal to relatives who know how tough even one baby can be. They’ll be sympathetic and help, club members said.

It was good advice, and I’ve been able to line up friends and family, even neighbors, to come over and feed or change a baby. Otherwise I never would have survived the first few months.

“I tell all the new mothers, ‘Whatever you do, don’t ever turn down any offers for help!”’ said club president Jeanne Wiczek, the mother of 10-year-old twin boys. “Every little bit makes a world of difference.”

Although most of the moms at club meetings have infants or toddlers, Wiczek and Jacobs say twin issues don’t vanish when twins get older--which is why both women have remained active with the club through the years. They also want to help new mothers get through the tough times.

They help organize social events like the get-acquainted tea for new and expectant mothers to meet experienced ones, and monthly meetings with guest speakers.

There are also quarterly garage sales--extremely important because baby stuff is expensive and when you need two of everything it can be downright painful.

The club’s monthly newsletters are wonderful, too. They announce new arrivals, advertise upcoming events and have a classified section that features nannies experienced with twins and sale items you may need before the next garage sale.

Play groups are also regularly formed for different ages, and members are constantly in touch, like a network.

And, as if mothers of twins aren’t busy enough, the group also supports charities like the Women’s Cottage, a northeast Valley women’s homeless shelter, and Haven Hills, a domestic violence center in the West Valley.

I found out about the club when I was about eight weeks’ pregnant. I was in Lake View Terrace on an assignment about a park renovation and met Eve Sullivan and her twins, Gwendolyn and Ian, now 2 years old.

She was pushing them around in one of those double jogging strollers with all-terrain tires, so I figured they were twins and started chatting with her.

When I told her I had just found out I was carrying twins--and how frightening that seemed--she told me about the club and put me on the mailing list.

We’ve been in touch since. When I’d complain about how miserable it was to be so huge (I gained 78 pounds in my 38-week pregnancy), Sullivan would remind me how lucky I was to carry that long because my twins had a better chance of being healthy. She was right.

At birth Sofia weighed 6 pounds, 10 ounces and Nicolas 7 pounds, 2 ounces.

After I delivered my twins in April, Sullivan checked to see how I was holding up. Terrible, as it turned out. I was hurting from my Caesarean section, battling a bad case of postpartum depression . . . and I had to care for two babies!

I wanted to get in my car and leave.

Sullivan put me in touch with club members who had had similar experiences. They’d call, share their stories and offer support.

It made such a difference to know I wasn’t alone, that many others had been through the same thing and prevailed.

“We’re like a family,” said club vice president Laura Wernik, the mother of two sets of boy-girl twins, ages 3 and 6. “Your friends can say they understand, but they don’t. They can’t.”

I recently attended my second get-acquainted tea at a member’s Encino home, and this time it was me assuring the mother of 8-week-old twin girls to hang in there because it does get better.

And my twins aren’t even sleeping through the night yet.