Playoff Road Might Lead Back to Portland

Talk about your blind date from hell . . .

All the precincts aren’t in yet, but late-season rally or no late-season rally, the Lakers might still run into the Portland Trail Blazers in the first round of the playoffs.

These are almost the same Trail Blazers who went seven games with them in the Western Conference finals last spring, and led Game 7 by 15 points in the fourth quarter before the improbable rally that ultimately made the Lakers champions.

If the truth be told, if the Lakers had their chance of seeing the Trail Blazers next weekend or next November, they’d take the latter.

You know that dream date, when the door opens and there’s Miss America?

This wouldn’t be it.

“I don’t think it’s ours, neither,” Portland’s Damon Stoudamire said, “but I mean, it’s here. It’s happening so we got to deal with it, you know what I mean? If we see ‘em in the first round, then it’s going to be tough on both teams.”

It’s quite possible the Lakers will win the Pacific Division, making them the No. 2 seed in the West and playing the Trail Blazers, who can still finish No. 7.

Of course, the Lakers could come in No. 3 and still run into the Trail Blazers if Portland finishes No. 6.

The Lakers’ idea of a first-round warmup . . . er, matchup . . . would be a team like the Phoenix Suns, who start rookie Jake Tsakilidis at center, whom Shaquille O’Neal could be expected to devour like an hors d’oeuvre.

The Minnesota Timberwolves would be nice with 6-foot-6 Reggie Slater at center, but they’re spoken for, running a distant No. 8, slated to face San Antonio, which has locked up No. 1.

The Blazers have 7-4 Arvydas Sabonis at center with 6-11 Dale Davis behind him, 6-11 Rasheed Wallace alongside him, and they like to drop Scottie Pippen in O’Neal’s lap. They proved they could contain O’Neal last spring, forcing other Lakers to beat them and to dig deep to do it too.

“I don’t think either team planned on this,” said the Lakers’ Derek Fisher, putting it mildly.

“Portland made some key off-season moves to basically prepare for our team and add some beef on the inside. Unfortunately, what happened with [Shawn] Kemp [now in a detox program], that takes some power away from them in the middle. And then they lose a key player like Bonzi Wells last week so. . . .

“They’re still a great basketball team, as you can see. . . . Indicative of today’s game, if we play them in a five-game series, it’s going to be all-out war.”

As Sunday’s game indicated, the Trail Blazers are so deep, they’re that rare team that might even profit from losing a player or two.

Kemp was overweight and contributed little except to command minutes which could have gone to Davis, who once skipped a practice and headed for Las Vegas to make his displeasure known.

The fast-rising Wells had become the No. 2 option behind Rasheed Wallace. The backup at that position is Steve Smith, a two-time all-star who went for 24 points on Kobe Bryant on Sunday.

With fewer players, Coach Mike Dunleavy has to play core guys more, which makes them happier. They get up for the Lakers, they won’t be intimidated at this late date and they know how to play them.

Going into Sunday’s game, the Lakers were 18-9 against the other Western playoff teams with a losing record against one . . . Portland.

“I tell you what,” said Rick Fox, laughing at the thought of a return date, “it makes for great television, great drama.”

As you might have also heard, the Trail Blazers have been a messed-up crew recently, losing 13 of 21 games to fall from No. 1 in the West.

Only the Blazers can fight with each other while still staying competitive with the Lakers, as they also showed Sunday, when the one-and-only Wallace became so angry at having been accidentally knocked down by Sabonis, he yelled at him all through a timeout, then threw a towel in his face.

That was in the third quarter. Portland still led going into the final two minutes of the game before the Lakers rallied again.

Not that this fazed the Lakers, who have experienced some unpleasantness themselves.

“This year we have the trophy for team dysfunction,” said Fox, grinning. “We’re not giving our trophy to them after one towel-toss.”

Imagine who or what might be tossed next if these two go bump in the first round. Great television beckons, or at least what XFL founder Vince McMahon considers great television.