‘One Night at McCool’s’ Is Long on Talk

“One Night at McCool’s” is one night too much.

Liv Tyler is so gorgeous and amusing you go along with her breathy vamp routine for about half the film, at which point it starts talking itself to death, its humor becoming hopelessly gross and unfunny.

The late Stan Seidel’s script is overly talky and under-inspired, and Dutch filmmaker Harald Zwart, in his feature debut, plays it as broadly and ponderously as possible.

Not since Theda Bara has a screen seductress brought so many men to ruin, even though all Tyler’s Jewel wants is a nice home with tasteful decor and modern conveniences. To this end she has teamed up with the beefy leather stud Utah (Andrew Silverstein) in a scam in which she pretends to escape his truck, barely avoiding rape. Any man who comes to her rescue is held out the promise of sex but is actually rewarded by being robbed.

One evening Randy (Matt Dillon), an easygoing bartender at a St. Louis retro-’50s bar named McCool’s, comes upon Jewel and Utah in a back alley as he is closing up for the night. Moments later, Utah winds up shot to death and Jewel winds up in bed with Randy in his nearby rundown Queen Anne Victorian cottage, which Jewel sizes up as having “a lot of potential.” Her redecorating schemes are in danger of being sidetracked by Detective Dehling (John Goodman), investigating Utah’s shooting death, and by Randy’s randy, obnoxious lawyer cousin, Carl (Paul Reiser). Both men are so consumed by lust for Jewel they’re ready to risk everything to be with her.

A key problem is that this picture, intended, apparently, as a screwball femme fatale crime comedy, is weighed down with Randy pouring out his heart to a dude (Michael Douglas, in a comically helmet-like wig) at a bingo parlor; with Dehling confessing his passion for Jewel to his priest (Richard Jenkins) to the extent that the good father is getting turned on; and with Carl unloading his searing desire for Jewel to his psychiatrist (Reba McEntire). This makes for an awful lot of talk.

The film’s solidly pro cast members have clearly been encouraged to throw themselves into their roles. While Tyler and Dillon manage some light touches, Goodman and Reiser land with a thud. Douglas’ mysterious Mr. Burmeister is pretty crass, as is the picture itself, but at least he gets the chance to be sly as well.

Thanks to production designer Jon Gary Steele and his team, who have an eye for the amusing detail, the funky stylized decor of McCool’s and the interiors of Randy’s house, aided appropriately by Ellen Mirojnick’s costumes, are more fun than anything else in the misfired “One Night at McCool’s.”

* MPAA rating: R, for violence, sexuality and language. Times guidelines: language, some strong violence and sexual dialogue.

‘One Night at McCool’s”

Liv Tyler: Jewel

Matt Dillon: Randy

John Goodman: Detective Dehling

Paul Reiser: Carl

Michael Douglas: Mr. Burmeister

A USA Films release. Director Harald Zwart. Producers Michael Douglas, Allison Lyon Segan. Executive producer Whitney Green. Screenplay by Stan Seidel. Cinematographer Karl Walter Lindenlaub. Editor Bruce Cannon. Music Marc Shaiman. Costumes Ellen Mirojnick. Production designer Jon Gary Steele. Art director David Lazan. Set designer Charisse Cardenas. Set decorator Larry Dias. Running time: 1 hour, 32 minutes.

In general release.