LAUGH LINES

Bending Over Backward: “On the cover of Time magazine recently, the big cover story is yoga. . . . They’re saying all the big stars are doing it now. . . . They say in Hollywood, there are agents so limber, they can actually stab themselves in the back.” (Jay Leno)

Weighing In: “It was reported that Al Gore has put on roughly 30 pounds since losing the election, and experts attribute this to depression. In a related story, Michael Dukakis now weighs 12,000 pounds.” (Conan O’Brien)

Letting Herself Go: “One of the tabloids is claiming that Hillary Rodham Clinton has some ‘mystery illness,’ which is causing her to look older, more haggard and totally exhausted all the time. . . . In fact, her looks have deteriorated so drastically in recent months that Bill has started hitting on her.” (Ira Lawson)

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