A Duffer’s Hot Deal in the Desert
It was 113 degrees when I staggered to the fifth tee of La Quinta Resort & Club’s Mountain Course. The rubber grip of my seven-iron melted in my hands, my glove felt as if I had worn it in a hot tub and the desert wind hit me like a blow dryer. I had never been more sure of my credentials as a golf nut. Then James and Louis walked up.
“Mind if we join you?” asked James, dust clinging to his sweat-soaked white shirt. “We’d like to get our third round in before dark.”
A duffer’s common sense takes a vacation whenever the words “unlimited” and “golf” hook up. James, Louis and I were among a horde of hackers to descend on La Quinta one weekend in June to seize the resort’s sizzling summer special: $141 a night buys a room at the hotel and the chance to chase a white ball through the desert until you turn to jerky. If the second person in the room plays golf, the rate is $198.
Other resorts, including the Marriott Desert Springs in neighboring Palm Desert and the Indian Wells Resort Hotel, offer similar packages.
My girlfriend, Andrea, and I drove from our San Diego home to La Quinta, where we met my cousin Brenda and her husband, Mark, of Long Beach, on a Friday. Mark and I played 63 holes of golf that weekend, while Andrea and Brenda pursued activities more sensible when the sun hovers eight feet above the desert floor half an hour east of Palm Springs.
The resort’s golf package offers a choice of five courses--two at La Quinta and the three open to the public at nearby PGA West. Two of them, the Mountain Course and the PGA West TPC Stadium Course, are ranked in Golf Magazine’s latest “Top 100 Courses You Can Play in the U.S.” Greens fees alone at some of these tracks soar to more than $200 in the winter (plus $355 to $445 per night for a room), so the summer deal is a good value for any budget-minded golfer who doesn’t mind playing in a furnace.
Two years ago, Andrea and I had stayed at La Quinta, a serene, palm-swathed spread of Spanish-style casitas, once a hideaway for Hollywood stars. This time our bougainvillea-draped unit faced the (Carole) Lombard Pool, a flip-flop’s throw from the (Clark) Gable Pool. The large room had a king-size bed, handsome wood furniture and a wet bar with fridge and ice maker.
Our first visit was midweek in the summertime, and the resort was quiet and nearly empty. But this June, it was apparent that La Quinta’s summer rates had attracted two golfing crowds. There were the parents with kids, who splash in the resort’s 39 swimming pools. (The hotel shows “dive-in” movies where guests watch from rafts in the water.) Then there was the crowd that occupied our complex: the “Animal House” set, guys who arrived with ice chests, cases of beer, cigars and boomboxes.
Early one morning I stepped out and found patio furniture hurled across the lawn, dirty socks stuck in the hedge and a gaping hole in the poolside hammock. A man hugging an empty bottle of Colt 45 malt liquor was passed out on a chaise lounge, oblivious to the automatic sprinklers that showered his head. Fortunately our casita was well insulated, and we slept through whatever revelry must have transpired the night before.
Mark and I caught a break on the weather Saturday, when the thermometer plummeted to 111. We abandoned our air-conditioned rooms and headed for the PGA West Stadium course, former site of the Skins Game tournament. It’s a diabolical layout of massive sand traps requiring stairs to enter and water hazards big enough to sail on. At least we weren’t alone in our lunacy. The head pro told us 268 other golfers were on the course, making it the busiest day in two years.
In summer, some tee off as early as 6 a.m. to minimize exposure to the heat. Others come armed with hats, sunscreen, personal misters and bottles of water. Either way, etiquette is the first thing to evaporate. Bunkers go unraked, divots don’t get replaced and pitch marks on greens are left unrepaired. You’re lucky if the group ahead puts the pin back in the cup.
Mark and I seared our legs on the cart seat, scorched our hands pulling clubs from our bags and ran out of water on a 617-yard hole called Eternity. Whenever it was Mark’s turn to hit, I kept the cart moving so I had a breeze, but it felt like I was driving a barbecue.
While we withered in the sun, Andrea and Brenda relaxed in La Quinta’s peaceful spa. They gave a toes-up to their side-by-side pedicures, enjoying the whirlpool footbath followed by foot and leg massages, exfoliating apricot scrubs and nail conditioning.
We scored birdies with our golf and lodging selections, but our restaurant choices rated a bogey. The Peruvian band that played Friday night at the resort’s Adobe Grill was festive, but the tacos al pastor and gazpacho-filled avocado were unremarkable and overpriced. At Saturday’s lunch at the PGA West Stadium Golf Clubhouse, Andrea and Brenda returned their Oriental chicken salads to the kitchen when they spotted funky black dots on the lettuce. The fare improved Saturday night with prime rib and filet mignon at the Kaiser Grille in Palm Desert.
On Sunday, Mark and I ignored the voices of reason pleading inside our heads and braved a third day of golf in triple-digit temperatures. We arrived at the new PGA West Greg Norman Course, which boasts emerald green fairways that wend through a natural desert setting flanked by gleaming white bunkers of crushed marble.
Unfortunately, I didn’t bring my A, B or C game. By round’s end, even my mental game was sunburned. But I was giddy with the knowledge that I was stumbling over some of the more hallowed holes in golf. And even with the wilting heat, there are few places a golfer would rather be.
Until I had teed off in La Quinta in the summer, I never knew I played an extreme sport. It’s brutal, painful and foolhardy--and I can’t wait to try it again.
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Budget for Two La Quinta Resort, two nights, golf for one, $10 daily “service” charge -- $327.48
Dinner, Adobe Grill -- 49.52
Lunch, PGA West -- 37.00
Dinner, Kaiser Grille -- 90.31
Pedicure -- 55.00
Gas -- 30.70
FINAL TAB -- $590.01
* La Quinta Resort & Club, 49-499 Eisenhower Drive, La Quinta, CA 92253; telephone (800) 598-3828 or (760) 564-4111, fax (760) 564-5718, Internet https://www.laquintaresort.com.