Give Sobriety a Chance

I feel sorry for "Anonymous" ("Serenity Has Its Ups and Downs," by Anonymous, July 29). With her husband sober for 12 years, she has had to relinquish her important role as martyr and controller. She doesn't get "the steps," which were her husband's path to sobriety. She tried Al-Anon, and it wasn't for her. The hard part of the steps is not going to meetings and listening to other people's stories, but actually paying attention to the steps and trying to live with them in your life. "Working" the steps means taking a deep look at yourself and your actions--not blaming others for your behavior--and changing those behaviors and values in your life that cause you problems.

For Anonymous, it means taking her eyes off her husband and looking at herself. Perhaps if she struggled with the concept of a higher power she might be able to talk to her husband, rather than force him to turn to his sponsor for support. Perhaps if she began to look at herself and how she can change, she might not be so annoyed when her husband recites the serenity prayer. She might even join him.

Marcia Cohn Spiegel

Via the Internet

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If Anonymous had climbed inside my mind she couldn't have expressed my thoughts and feelings more clearly. After 20 years of marriage, my husband joined AA and became "sober." Our lives changed with his newfound sobriety. One of the strangest things was that he seemed to believe he was the second coming of Jesus Christ. He became so addicted to AA that it was almost as if he were intoxicated again.

Patricia Edwards

Via the Internet

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