Local Dating Services Play Cupid for Couples
Terry Brussel-Gibbons, a fourth-generation matchmaker, has noticed lately that her phones are ringing more often with singles disenchanted by personal ads--in which physical descriptions don’t always match the real person.
“You’re taking a lot of risks. The person can lie to you,” said Brussel-Gibbons, owner of Marriage Minded Introductions in Van Nuys. “They can say, ‘I am a lovely, voluptuous person,’ and they weigh 300 pounds. Or they can say, ‘I look like Robert Redford,’ and he looks like Don Knotts.”
Valentine’s Day and the start of the new year have always been busy times for matchmakers and dating services. But dating service owners and executives say more and more people are turning to the so-called “Cupid industry” year-round.
They’re tired of blind dates and the bar scene. They’re too busy with careers to get out and meet potential spouses and sweethearts. They don’t want to be alone anymore, but they also don’t want to invest the time and money on someone who isn’t going to be compatible.
Brussel-Gibbons and the rest of Cupid’s cohorts are reaping the benefits with more memberships. Some say the reason is that singles are finally starting to take control of their romantic lives. Instead of leaving it to chance, they are going to the experts--who have databases of people with common interests, values and goals.
“People are saying, ‘I have to take charge of my entire life,’ ” said Edward A. Dreyfus, a clinical psychologist in Santa Monica who wrote the book, “Someone Right for You.” “How is it when I choose a partner in business, I approach it much more systematically, but when it comes to someone who is going to share my toothbrush, it’s impulsive?”
Some observers believe there is less of a stigma today about hiring a dating service than there used to be. But the impression that only losers hire professional matchmakers still lingers.
Stefanie Sellers, a manager for a music publishing company, thought only nerds and homely women went to dating services. But she put the stereotype aside and decided to give it a shot, after Together Introduction Services solicited her through the mail and then over the phone. When she arrived for an initial consultation, Sellers parked in the parking garage, making sure no one saw her get out of her car, then rode the elevator alone.
Her ordeal proved fruitful. She eventually met Stefan Adam, the chief information officer for a company that makes military and aerospace parts. They’ve been dating for four months now.
“I just believed there is a lid for every pot,” said Sellers, 27, of Reseda. “I might as well put myself in a place where there are men serious about being in a relationship. You can’t really tell that in a bar. In a dating service, a man has put $2,000 down to meet you. That’s action.”
The services are as diverse as the singles who join.
Most companies ask members to fill out a survey about themselves and the type of people they’re looking for--in such categories as age, race, education, income level and religion. Then they either match members with someone compatible or let them pick their own prospects from a library of photos and videotapes. Cost generally ranges from $1,500 to $2,000 a year, depending on the number of people the member wants to meet.
Brussel-Gibbons sits down with each client, learns his or her likes and dislikes (asking questions such as is the person a vegetarian, a theater-goer, a sports fan, etc.), then matches the client with others looking for a serious relationship.
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She also offers hypnotherapy to help clients overcome whatever might be preventing them from finding a spouse. This might include a weight problem, a fear of commitment, even a fear of flying--if the client aspires to marry an airline pilot someday.
Great Expectations Dating Service offers members unlimited access to its photo and video library, which includes short biographies of each individual. Members simply pick the person they want to meet. If the other person agrees, the company supplies both parties with last names and phone numbers. The rest is up to them.
“We’re a people broker,” said Denis Durante, chief executive of Great Expectations’ Tarzana and Los Angeles offices. “People don’t have the energy to go out and look. They don’t even know where to look, where to go, what to say. You don’t have to be a wizard of lines and you can be more sincere in what you’re looking for.”
Equally Yoked Christian Singles, a nondenominational service for Christian singles, offers a similar photo and video library. But it also offers unlimited access to Bible studies, workshops and seminars, with topics that include how to better communicate in a relationship. In the past five years, business has jumped 10% at its Valley Village office, company officials say.
Together Introduction Services takes a different approach to hooking people up. It tests members on 13 personality traits, including maturity, spontaneity, competitiveness, sophistication and sexual attitude. It also asks members to describe their ideal mate.
A matchmaking team sifts through the files to find the perfect fit. Then they mail members a list of names and phone numbers. It’s up to members to make the first call. Since 1999, membership has increased 13% throughout Southern California.
“People are more accepting of dating services,” said Toros Yetenekian, vice president of Together’s Southern California offices. “When you have a headache, you go to a doctor. When you have legal problems, you go to a lawyer. When you want to move forward in your personal life, why not go to a professional who has a database of people?”
That’s why Shari Hirsch, a 25-year-old Sherman Oaks resident, decided to join. She was ready for a serious relationship, but didn’t want to waste time weeding out men who weren’t compatible. In August, she met Jason Kruse, a computer animator who shares her love of travel and deep philosophical discussions.
“It eliminated a lot of the guesswork,” said Hirsch, a sales assistant for a stock brokerage firm. “If they chose a person who matched up with what I wanted, I wouldn’t have to worry about those things on a date. It would be more about just getting to know each other.”
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Stephen Farrington, a 51-year-old bachelor from West Los Angeles, was tired of spending a lot of time and money on women, only to discover he had little in common with them. He wanted someone who shared his passion for sports--or was at least accepting of it--and whose main motivation wasn’t money or the kind of car he drives. About 18 months ago, he joined a service and eventually met Betty. They’ve been dating ever since.
“We hit it off,” said Farrington, a contract worker in the public records department for the U.S. Department of Justice. “I found a much better match than meeting someone going through a bunch of dates and finding they are totally incompatible.”