LAUGH LINES

Couch Potato: “[Bill] Clinton and Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton apparently are involved in a new controversy over a couch they took from the White House that critics say doesn’t belong to them. . . . When asked about it, [Bill Clinton] said, ‘Hey, I need that couch. Otherwise, I’ll have to sleep on the floor.’ ” (Conan O’Brien)

Dismal Forecast: “A new medical study says that heart bypass surgery could lead to mental decline years later. . . . So that means Dick Cheney could [eventually] turn into George W. Bush.” (Jay Leno)

Assuming Position: “Troy Aikman said he’s considering whether he will play another year of football. . . . In the NFL, quarterback is the second-most important position--after hands against the wall with your feet spread.” (Argus Hamilton)

Stages of Love: A study finds that “love has three basic steps: lust, attraction and attachment. Actually, there’s a fourth step--irreconcilable differences.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Courteous Nature: “Everyone is so polite to Clinton now. Wherever he goes, people who get even remotely in his path say, ‘Pardon me. And pardon me. And please, pardon me, too.’ ” (R.J. Johnson)

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